the christmas pickle

This is the first Christmas that Rob and I agreed to exchange presents. It's our 3rd Christmas together, but until now we always agreed not to exchange. Basically, he's a Christmas rebel, i.e. he does not believe that one should be obligated to give gifts just because it's December 25th. He'd rather buy me something special when he feels like it. Plus, he refuses to get caught up in the commercialism of Christmas. And that's how our relationship has been until now.

This year I changed it up a bit (with his agreement, of course). I wanted to surprise him by taking him to dinner and overnight at a nice inn about an hour's drive from here. That should warrant a blog entry of its own. But until then, my point is that I think I've put him in a spot.

He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Then I asked him, "well, what were you thinking?" cuz I feel strange just blurting out what I want. It seems so selfish, so I was fishing for some help. He said he'd been thinking of getting me a necklace for some time. Hmmm, I thought. He said a necklace, or a laptop. And he quickly explained that a laptop would be meaningful in that he fully supports my need to write, to express myself. I currently share my desktop with 2 teenage daughters, so you can appreciate that a laptop would bring me a lot more computer time (theoretically) and opportunity to escape to my bedroom and write.

So the pickle he's currently in is that in the whole month of December I have chosen neither a necklace nor a laptop. It is Christmas Eve and tomorrow morning he will be opening a present from me. He does not have a present to give to me. Which I don't mind, of course, but can you see what I've done to him?

I have decided that I want a laptop, but have been in no hurry to go pick one out. I keep assuring him that we will go get one after Christmas. In the meantime, dare I say what I really want is a ring. Damn me. I wonder if that's why I can't get my shit together. Of course I wouldn't dream of breathing a word of it. Cuz I know that would make him uncomfortable. And how awkward to ask for a ring. Even though it would be far from an engagement ring.....so...for this year I'll be practical and go with the laptop.

Next year I'll get a ring.