3 days to California

Here we are again...on the brink of a lovers' reunion. I'm going to get on a plane and go see my honey in a few days!

LA is supposed to be the warmest spot in the continental US next week. I'm looking forward to some sunshine and heat...and some very hot lovin'.

Besides reconnecting with Andy, what's my mission on this trip? I'll be visiting 3 high schools as potential schools for Christie in the Fall. I'm also hoping that Andy and I can check out a few neighborhoods, to see what they feel like, how livable they might be for the 3 of us, even look at some apartments to get a feel for what our money can buy.

And my darling will be turning 50. Holy shit, it's hard to believe he's 50. Man, we look damn good for our age. I hope he has a good birthday. I always wished I could do something spectacular for him--like take him to Paris--but I'll have to thrill him in other ways. And I have a few ideas.

it's never over

I spent the day today thinking of Cam. It's his birthday. Since the love of my life and I parted ways 2 years ago, I wrestle with the thought of contacting him, or not, on his birthday. Logic always wins.

I'm ok with it. I'm sure his soul feels my soul anyway. It's always been that way, well, since I first dated him at 16. I rarely needed to speak for him to know what I was thinking. He knew me better than I knew myself. Even when we didn't have contact for 20 years, I felt him in my heart as if he was only a breath away. He had been my lifelong sense of comfort. Ever since Cam, I've been trying to find a guy with many of his qualities.

On this day of Cam's birthday, again, I will not call him or even email him 2 words. He knows. Instead I'll honor the day with a song by the great Jeff Buckley. Jeff was one of Cam's most loved artists. And what a writer he was. The lyrics of this song are the most romantic, intense lyrics I have ever heard.

Until today I had never seen this video or any other video of Buckley singing Lover you should've come over. Weird...it only makes sense that I dedicate this song to Cam.

He's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.