baby's no baby anymore

Keeping in touch with my 16 year old daughter Christie back east has not been easy since I moved out here. She's been living with her dad at a beach house on Lake Erie where the cell reception is horrible and internet signal intermittent. In another couple weeks she'll move out here with me, but until then I have to take a huge leap of faith that all is well.

Our best form of communication, unfortunately, has been Facebook. I rarely hear from her since I left, so when I received a message from her the other day asking me when I thought her last period was, I got concerned. I racked my brain to remember the approx date and made my best guess. I sent her my response to which she replied "I'm scared."

A little back and forth ensued till I got her to admit exactly what she was scared of. Maybe I'm pregnant or something. Which means that she and her boyfriend have had sex of some sort. Deep breath....

I didn't freak, but clearly I had concerns. Why did she break golden rule #2 (don't get near a penis without a condom)? How long had she been wondering, and is it too late to fix? What happened, when and where? How will I deal with this 'situation' from 2500 miles away??

I had always wished she would feel comfortable enough to talk me when she was thinking about having sex. Just a few weeks ago I'd broached the subject while we were driving in the car and she'd had such a shocked reaction that I erased that idea for another little while. But apparently it was just a cover. Oh well, the important thing is that she came to me with the problem.

As she was pretty panicked over the possibility of being pregnant at 16, we discussed her getting a preg test from the store as soon as possible. She said she'd take care of it. The day became night and I still hadn't heard back from her. The next morning I messaged her again I need to hear from you.

It seemed that her 19 year old sister Maria had told her it was probably nothing to worry about since 'he wasn't in her very long'. I gasped to myself. Unfortunately I had to raise the concern level with Christie again. Not that I wanted to panic her, I mostly wanted her to ACT. She/we needed to alleviate all fear as soon as possible.

So Maria was nice enough to go buy a test kit for her sister. After a few torturous hours (for me) it turned out negative, thank God. In the end, Maria told Christie she was an idiot for being so careless and gave her a couple condoms. I thanked her. Let's hope a huge lesson was learned here.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not angry or disappointed that my 16 year old daughter has lost her virginity. In fact, if I'd been around I would have had a little private celebration with her. Sex is a beautiful thing, and one of life's greatest joys, especially if it's with someone you love. Cripe, I lost my viriginity at 14, so I'm damn happy she waited this long.

I am happy that she felt close enough to her boyfriend to want to experience sex with him, I just wish they hadn't been irresponsible about it. We'll be talking more about this when she arrives in a couple weeks. But for now I am breathing a big sigh of relief.

sissy

I have a sister. I've haven't blogged about her, but believe me, she is definitely worthy. We still joke about how we could write a book about the teenage antics that used to take place while Mom was at work. If I could remember those days in enough detail to tell the story, I would.

Lynn is 2 years older, but I was always the more responsible one. While she was fondly known in our family as the devil child, I was the angel child. I never ran away or had fights with Mom like she did. I saved my money while hers burned a hole through her pocket. We fought, we played. We were each other's closest companion all through the years even though we used to say we hated each other. No one can make me laugh harder than Lynn.

She was always prettier and taller than me, developed earlier, and got the guys. And she got plenty...so many that she couldn't count them all or remember all their names. She partied early, got into trouble early, and learned her lessons the hard way. She was also a wicked artist, something she dropped entirely from her adult life.

Lynn has taken the long road to get where she is. After years of living on the edge, chasing rock stars, seeing how many pairs of shoes she could own, and being a single mom, she became responsible. I think it was motherhood that did it to her. Or maybe it was the cancer. She had the "best kind" of cancer to get and has not been plagued by it again, though it changed her outlook on life and inspired a new, healthier lifestyle.

The chick who used to eat ho-hos and smoke cigarettes became a vegetarian, yoga instructor, holistic healer and belly dancer. She became a wonderful mother too, and 3 years ago married the guy who's been with her since she got pregnant with her daughter (not the father, but that's a very good thing!).

So Lynn is about to get divorced from this guy. He's actually a good guy, just not happy with himself and in denial about it. His bad moods affect everyone around him, so she just can't tolerate it anymore. Sounds kind of like the way my marriage went. Anyway, that's not the point of this blog. It's about my sister.

Once she decided she was finished with her marriage, she opened up to the possibility of a new relationship (the "Holy shit, I'm free" syndrome). So get this........Sissy's apparently fallen in love online with someone from her past. A washed up rock star. He lives on the other side of the country and they haven't spoken to or even seen each other since their ONE NIGHT stand over 25 years ago. Until a few weeks ago, that is. I'm surprised he even remembered her.

Not to be judgmental or shallow, but let's just say he's not quite the catch he used to be. Physically, anyway. Mentally, she's quite taken with him. I shudder when she tells me the things they talk about--going to Europe together, going on tour again, her moving to live with him. I take a deep breath and say "Lynn, how about one step at a time. I know it's exciting to be free again, but don't get lost in that fantasy. You've got stuff to take care of. And how about just seeing him first before flying off to Paris with him?"

It's like she's moving backwards. I've watched her stumble along for so many years, then turn things around and finally become something she is proud of. Now it seems she's returning to her old ways, and it worries me a little. But she's still my sissy and I will be there for her, as always.