where i am

Here I sit on my bed, burning a permanent scar into my left leg where my laptop sits and overheats nightly. Are they supposed to get this flippin hot??

I spend far too much time on Facebook these days. Just a couple months ago I was telling Lynn (my sister) that I didn't have time to join Facebook. And now I find myself addicted to knowing what's been happening in my online social circle since the last time I checked. And watching in on someone who seems to have piqued my curiosity lately.

This worries me. I am feeling a little vulnerable these days. Should I say, my relationship with Rob feels vulnerable. Ever since I felt that he didn't want a future with me as much as I wanted with him, I feel disappointed. Less vested in the relationship. Like it's lost some of its verve.

It is a recurring theme when it comes to men.

finally, a laptop!

Hopefully the indecision ends here. I finally bought a friggin laptop. The flyer from Future Shop came with a "final clearance" on the laptop I'd been eyeing since December. So I hauled myself over there and grilled the handsome young sales guy until I was completely convinced that I was choosing the right one.

And now I sit here from the privacy of my bedroom--no young roving eyes peeking into their mother's online antics and no wrestling the 13-yr-old MSN addict for computer time. Woo-hoo! I love the nice wide screen and resolution, even the soft clicking of the keys.

Since my purchase was somewhat spontaneous (after 3 months of contemplation) I didn't tell Rob about it till that night. As this had been the intended Christmas gift from him to me, I think that by buying it I've gotten myself into more of a pickle. You and I both know I'd decided long ago that I wanted something more sparkly and meaningful from him than a laptop, but he had not a clue! I'd just been letting it slide over the last few months hoping he'd read my mind, I guess.

So basically I robbed my Rob of the chance to give me the laptop as a gift. He certainly wasn't going to hand me cash or go to the bank and pay off my credit card. So I felt a little guilty, but then I didn't. Now he's reconsidering what he can give me for Christmas (2008). It was our first attempt at exchanging gifts, a ritual he doesn't believe in, but I convinced him it would be fun. Oops...

He suggested maybe he'd pay for the trip we're taking this weekend, as a gift. We're staying overnight Saturday in a nearby city and going to a concert there Sunday afternoon. I'm sure it'll be fun.

It doesn't sparkle, but what the hell. Gotta let the guy off the hook.