breaking up

I had my talk with Rob tonight. My hand got very sweaty as I held his and told him how I felt that life was leading me away from him; that I need to follow my dream, I need some things to change in my life because not only do I feel stagnant, I feel like I am missing out on opportunities.

Areas of my life just don't seem to be moving forward, like social (living in such small town), relationship (I want someone to be head over heels in love with me and not have to question the practicality of every life decision), financially (I no longer get child support since my ex lost his job), and career (I am underpaid plus I need growth, also hard to find in the region where I live and work).

He was quiet at first and only occasionally looked up at me. I saw his blue eyes turning red. We talked for the next 2 hours, he asking me if this was negotiable (i.e. is my decision based on a misunderstanding of something he said?) or had I made up my mind. And of course he asked if there was someone else I was interested in. I admitted that my friendship with Andy has grown into something more. Then the rest of the night Rob concentrated on that factor, and only that factor.

Rob never gets angry, loud or unreasonable. He is the most even-keeled person I know (that's exactly why he doesn't show great enthusiasm for just about anything). So there was no yelling or accusations, only questions and attempts to understand each other. We began our time together as friends, and that has run constant through our 3 years together. There is always an underlying respect.

I left him lying in his bed knowing he would be crying soon after I left. Not a good feeling. But I did feel that the truth has been spoken with love and the greatest care. And we will be talking again tomorrow, to try to determine what kind of relationship we will have from this point on.