one year in LA

Still a newbie, but definitely learning the ropes, I am extremely proud to say that I survived my first year living in LA. Not for the faint of heart, LA chews you up and spits you out, all the while asking how much more do you want to take? Then, when you look it square in the eye and say bring it on bitch, it backs off and says ok, I guess you can stay.

Victorious? Well, not quite yet. Still some obstacles to overcome, and I certainly have not met my main goals in coming here. But for now I am happy to be healthy, employed, in love, and finding my space in the city of angels.

The other night as I was leaving Santa Monica and merging onto the 405 from the 10, I saw the lights of downtown LA on my right far off in the distance, the buildings of the Wilshire district at my immediate right and the hills of the San Fernando Valley ahead. It was a sight to behold--I mean it is so damn beautiful and breathtaking that sometimes it hits me and I get a little choked up.

Where else in this country, maybe in the whole world, has all this to offer?--ocean beaches, nightlife, endless action, culture, mountains, cities within cities, amazing weather, shopping galore, everything...except my family.

Dunno, guess LA's growing on me a little.

freefall

A great poet once wrote:

the only way to really know a city is to get lost in it.

That's fair, but can the same be said for love?

I say yes. If you truly want to know the depths of love, you must throw caution to the wind and dive right in. Let yourself freefall into the unknown. Let it envelop you and permeate you. Leave all fear behind and let the love form who you are.

Rob came to me last night. Here's a man who has all the reason in the world to fear loving me. I have already voiced my wishes to experience something other than what he can give me. He knows I love somebody else. He also knows I will likely leave the area in the coming year. But instead of focusing on his fear of losing me in the future, he is choosing to love me in the present.

This takes an incredible amount of faith, and love. In fact, I'd call it unconditional love. It's something I thought I'd never get from Rob.

We were making love. It was very passionate and emotional. At one point he looked into my eyes and said I am just falling into you. I told him please do, I'll hold you. He broke down and wept as he reached climax. He spilled into me emotionally, physically and spiritually.

God was watching, and smiling, as His children loved each other.