a little peace

I have a few simple things to say.

Working is great. I have purpose. I am learning. I am impressing the people who observe me in my work. I am getting paid. I feel good about me.

I cleared the air with Andy. One night it all came gushing forth. I said what I needed to say without being hurtful. It seems we were both hiding a lot of the same feelings. I immediately felt closer to him. All resentment has disappeared. I now look forward to spending time with him instead of looking for other things I *have to do*. Quite a little miracle, this communication thing.

Lovvvvvvving the dogs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I volunteer at the animal shelter. Not only do I love choosing lonely or scared dogs to nurture, but I love helping match a dog to someone who's looking for a new four legged friend. I am really good at it and I cannot describe how amazing it feels each time I get one more dog out of that place and into a loving home.

Now that I have my finances and relationship under control, I have only one area of concern. Christie, my 16 year old daughter. She hasn't been too happy or healthy since December. I am not sure how much of her current state is due to the fact that she is being a teenager and how much is a result of moving her 2,000 miles away from the life she used to know. One thing I am sure of, though--I have done, and continue to do, everything I can to help her.

Christie will be going back home to stay with her dad and my older daughter Maria for about 6 weeks this summer. This will probably reveal some things. I just don't want a health crisis like we had on out Christmas trip back home. Friggin' nightmare. I truly hope she realizes what she wants and needs, and finds some direction. I miss the old Christie :(

ANYWAY...it appears my life is back on track. I am finding a little peace at last. Maybe Christie will find her way soon. I'll be patient. God hasn't let me down yet.

Happy endings required.

my new lovers

Guess I found another sacred space. It may be loud and a little stinky, but it's full of furry, little lovers. I go to visit them almost every day. I fall asleep thinking of these guys and wake up excited knowing I get to see them again. Oh, the hours I've spent loving them :)

I have been volunteering at the dog pound for a few weeks now. This surprises some people considering what I witnessed on my first day of training. I watched as the guy who was teaching me the procedure to walk the dogs got his hand suddenly and severely chewed by a chow chow (no pun intended). Blood squirted everywhere as he screamed fuck! fuck! My teacher fled to the emergency room for stitches and I haven't seen him since. I hear his hand is still healing.

Regardless of that drama (which I believe was a valuable lesson in responsible dog handling), I've kept my heart open to these guys. They are so desperate for human contact, physical touch and quiet moments together. But I use protection--a pair of leather gloves, at least until I get to know the dog better.

This has been my best idea yet. Call it free therapy. Sitting in the California sunshine playing with Rover, then having him snuggle into you and lie down on your lap...OHHHHH. Ecstasy! I like taking the nervous guys (often shaky little chihuahuas), holding them tight against my chest and feeling their shaking bodies finally relax. It's then that they start making eye contact and often try to grab a kiss.

I feed them some treats, then pet them and scratch their bellies if they want. It feels just as good for me as it does for them. I fall in love with a new dog practically every visit. And by now I must have 20 lovers. But what the hell. The more the merrier. I've got enough love to go around.

I'm happy.