So I'd sent out new feelers--to the animal shelter to volunteer, and to Carly for inspiration and girl-bonding. My number one priority was to start feeling awesomely happy again, whatever that took!
Finding a job had been pushed further down the list, but was not forgotten. I had the notion that I needed to network in a different way, especially after drawing that Oblique Strategies card that told me to abandon known instruments. Networks are everything when it comes to finding a new job. I know that because every single job I'd ever gotten, in one way or another, had been through someone I knew. And because my network here in LA is still sadly limited I needed to expose myself to more people, other types of people, besides Andy's friends.
I started looking for groups to join. Two birds, one stone: I'll make friends and just might get a lead on a job. I found this great website which allows you to search for groups in your area based on your interests. Once you join the group they email you notifications of upcoming meetings, as well as recommendations of other groups you might like to join. Holy shit--the possibilities are endless!
I wish I'd thought of this group idea sooner...it was a late, but incredible, discovery. Long story short, one group I joined was offering pranic healings. I'd never heard of that, but I've done Reiki, which I thought might be similar. I was gung ho to try it.
I went alone hoping to connect to some cool people (California hippies) and possibly leave there feeling better about life with a healing of some sort. Normal looking people filed in one by one until there were about 10 of us. No one was very outgoing, so I made small talk to a couple people sitting close to me. A middle aged man stood up and introduced himself as the group leader and proceeded to tell us what to expect of this 3 hour evening.
We began with some light exercises to wake up our energy centers and prepare us for accepting the divine energy. As a group we followed a 30-minute meditation by some pranic healing master on CD. This was the point I first started to feel my emotions loosen. A few tears rolled down my face as I visualized the people in my family that I wanted to shower with love and protection.
Having survived the meditation and more exercise rituals, I was excited to get to the healing part. I was assigned a female healer who'd been sitting among us though I didn't realize who she was until this point. She started by explaining to me that I could ask her to work on anything that I needed, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. She would be healing me by way of clearing blockages in my chakras (energy centers), without touching me, as I sat quietly, eyes closed, and fully "open" to receiving a healing.
I stated my need to feel confident again; confident about my abilities and the way I express myself. I'd been reluctant to share my opinions or speak my truth to anyone here in California (except Carly) and was convinced that no one cared what I had to say and no one wanted to listen to me or hire me. That was all my healer needed to hear. I closed my eyes and she began her work.
For the next 45 minutes I took a journey inside my head and heart. It was like convoluted movie clips playing in my head (kind of like the boat ride in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, but with all good stuff). I was aware of feeling my heart opening, so much that I could sense love flowing in and out of it like warm lava.
There was a scene in which every nice thing people ever told me about myself was repeated--there was Rob, Cam, Lee, my bosses, my colleagues, friends, my grandma, my daughters, and random strangers who'd commented on how beautiful my smile is. Tears poured down my face in streams. It felt good, though I was afraid my white shirt would be drenched and covered with run-off makeup when this was all over.
Later in the healing I saw myself as a tree, a beautifully graceful tree with bare branches like thin fingers reaching up to the sky. Suddenly whitish-pink flowers bloomed over the entire tree, like a giant magnolia in prime season.
These are the things I was most aware of. Every time my mind wandered to my older daughter Maria, more tears gushed out. It was all part of the healing, I am sure. Again, when it was over and I'd opened my eyes, I was acutely aware of the feeling of love pulsing through the middle of me and surrounding me like a blanket. I felt as if I could love anything or anyone at that time, no matter how awful or ugly it/they were. Is this how God feels?, I wondered. Actually I didn't wonder, I knew. This was divine love.
After the healing, my healer and I had a conversation about what I'd been experiencing since I moved to LA. She reinforced the fact that I chose to come here and that I am supposed to be here. She said I chose this place and these circumstances to force myself to deal with longstanding issues. It would be an intense healing journey, meaning fast and furious, but it would be a permanent one. She gave me a few pointers on how to deal with people and businesses here and assured me this is all going my way.
I had to center myself again before I could actually get in my car and drive back home. I was feeling absolutely renewed, uplifted and completely hopeful in knowing that once again, I had life by the balls. I continued to float in this blissful state for the next few days and did everything I could to preserve the feeling. I prayed, meditated, practiced love and repeated affirmations whenever I was alone (so that Andy and Christie wouldn't think I'd totally lost it).
I've been back for 2 more pranic healings since then. Neither had the profound effect that the first one did, but they were still very worthwhile. I took my younger daughter Christie and she had a very similar experience to mine--an intense feeling of love as well as symptoms that cleared for 3-4 days. She needs to go again, and I will too. How can I ever resist something that good? I haven't felt that close to God in a long time. Too long.
Well, the group atmosphere was definitely more about getting healed than making friends or finding job leads, but I will gladly accept the gifts I've been given! And who knows...there could be many more gifts in store for me. :)
