One day last week I decided I needed some serious help to dig me out of the goddamn rut I've been in for the past few months. I turned to Andy's set of Oblique Strategies cards. I felt I had little to lose and a lot to gain. After all, Andy began his career in art based on the card he drew 20 years ago. I opened the box and chose one from about 2/3 the way down the deck.
Abandon normal instruments it said.
I stepped back. O...k...how do I interpret this? First thing that popped into my mind was stop doing what you've been doing (to try to find a job). I felt a huge sense of relief that I didn't have to force myself to go through that wretched process anymore.
I spent the next couple days purposely not looking for a job. Instead I decided to seek something I could do immediately to make me feel good. After finishing a shot of whiskey I set out to volunteer. This would be ideal for changing my whole state of mind which had gotten pretty ugly...certainly too ugly to attract my dream job.
I knew in a volunteer situation no one would reject me. I'd be helping someone else, fill hours of my time, plus it would get me out of the apartment and allow me to feel like a productive and valuable human being again. That was it! That was how I was going to turn things around!
The lucky beneficiaries of my time and dedication will be homeless animals. To be able to help out at a local shelter I do have to study some material and pass a test, along with some training. But I'm good with all that. I love having a goal and a purpose. And who doesn't love the doggies? Christie and I are both going to volunteer. She needs community hours for school, and I need my sanity back.
I realize I can't run from the job hunt indefinitely. But steeping in a brew of anger, frustration and worthlessness was getting me nowhere real fast. I should have known I needed to correct the thinking, but I couldn't seem to do it myself. Oblique Strategies helped, but so did some other things...
(to be continued)
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