snoopy's bored

I came home tonight to a little note from my friendly next door neighbor:

"Your dog has again barked all day long (as he often does)."

Despite the obvious irritation that caused him to make his point three times in one sentence, I did empathize with my neighbor. It would drive me nuts too, to hear a dog bark all day long, even if the sound was muffled by a wall between us.

After feeling a pang of guilt (I wasn't aware this was happening), I felt really sad about how lonely and bored my little beagle must be. I work full-time and my girls are in school till 3pm every day, so he lives here alone for many hours a day. Side note: It was never my choice to get a dog. My ex brought him home for Maria one day, against my wishes. I love Snoop dearly, but back then I knew it would be a long term commitment that I didn't want to make. Now I make the best of it because Snoop is a member of the family.

One more issue to deal with. Add it to my list of broken computer, 10 hour work days, my boss in ICU for 3 weeks now, trying to stay on the good side of a new interim boss, Christmas season approaching, struggles with 17-yr old daughter and PMS. I don't mean to complain, just painting a picture.

I do want my dog to be happy. And my neighbor. And me. So, I'm brainstorming to solve this problem. Idea #1 is taking Snoop for a walk every morning before I leave for work. I think I'll try this before I suggest idea #2 - asking if the neighbors would like Snoop to visit them during the day. They're a retired couple, so I figure they might like the company.

And who wouldn't fall for those velvety ears and sad puppy eyes?

change is good

I know, change is the latest buzzword, but really change has been around forever. We can't live without it. In fact, if we're not changing, we're stagnant. Or dying? Maybe I'm pushing it too far, but my point is that change is a necessity. So you might as well embrace it instead of fear it.

Usually I'm ready for change and I'm the one who instigates it. Today I've been challenged. I was informed of a change that will surely affect my life. I've been assigned an interim boss until my ailing boss returns--which will likely be at least 6 months. (At least it appears he is improving. Still in ICU, but now breathing on his own.)
The fill-in boss was hired 4 months ago and has wreaked havoc on the department she currently runs. Morale of her team has taken a serious dive, as well as business, but for some odd reason the company thinks she's great. And now they've promoted her to oversee my department too. God help us all.

However, the silver lining is this: there's gotta be something in this for me. I figure either I'm going to learn something valuable from this woman, or from working with her, or it's the kick in the pants I need to rework my resume and find something better. Actually I've been thinking about moving along since last March, so I'm not surprised I've attracted this whole chain of events.

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may

also be the beginning."

- Ivy Baker Priest
"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."

- William Shakespeare
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we

are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.

For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are

likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

- M. Scott Peck
"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent,

but the one most responsive to change."

- Charles Darwin
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to

go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect

a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."

- Anais Nin

Now, if I can just keep my thoughts moving in a positive direction...

the larger the glass

...the better the wine tastes.

Friday night is typically 'laundry and whiskey night'. The peeps at work know this about me. Off I go at 5:00, heading home to an empty house (my girls almost always have plans Friday night). It's my chance to both relax and get a head start on the weekend. I rarely see Rob on Friday nights. This night is mine.

Laundry is my main focus Friday evenings. Pitiful, yes, but I make it a much sweeter job by sipping a glass (or 2) of whiskey. No mixer, no rocks, just a slow trickle to tickle me, taste by taste.

But tonight I've traded my whiskey for wine. Shiraz. In a very large glass. Ample room for swirling and playing with the ruby red potion. A good red wine needs space to breathe and the freedom to dance in the glass. Kind of like...me! I am rewarded by its fragrant full body as it subtly leads me to a gentler place, warming me from the inside out.

I surrender my worries and pent up frustrations from the week. The wine clears my slate and makes life easy again. Life is good.

blessings for my boss

This marks week 3 of my boss's hospital stay. He had severe abdominal pain which turned out to be a cancerous tumor. It has since been successfully removed and he was told the cancer had not spread. But in the past week he's taken a turn for the worse and I'm not sure why.

So, bottom line is, I'm worried about him. And a little about myself too. I've been left to hold down the fort at work. Not only am I missing a good friend and boss, but I have no support right now. Upper management doesn't really give a shit what I'm going through. It's as if they are oblivious to the fact that the work he used to accomplish in his 60 hour week has to be picked up by someone. Hello!!!!

I find it really hard to focus on anything at work. I go from one task to another, not finishing anything. But I've got to get myself out of this emotional hole I'm in. I owe it to him to take care of things while he's away. Pray for him please, I need him back soon.

clytie waited

Waited

Hit the ground
Weighed down again
You walked out
But I'm sure you're my friend

It must have been good
This can't be for good
Everyone's...Is everyone ok

I waited, oh I waited
But I must be too dumb to be proud
Because I waited, waited

Woke to sounds
I prayed you were there
I fell back down
But I'm sure you still care

It must have been good
This can't be for good
Everyone's...Is everyone ok

I waited, oh I waited
But I must be too dumb to be proud
Because I waited, waited

This song by Our Lady Peace touches me. So does the story of Clytie. They remind me of Cam, how our relationship ended this year, and how I eventually saw the light. I thought he was the love of my life.

Clytie was a mythical character, a water nymph. She was in love with Apollo, the god of light and sun, who was also in love with her at one time. For reasons she couldn't accept, his love turned away from her towards someone else. She continued to pine for him, sitting on the cold ground and refusing any food or drink for nine days. She was sustained by her tears and the dew from the grass surrounding her.

Every dawn she gazed toward the sun, following it (him) through the hours till sunset. She was fixed on the thought and the sight of him. They say her limbs rooted in the ground, her face became a sunflower, which turns on its stem to face the sun throughout the day.
She waited.
Too long.

beautiful men

What makes a man truly beautiful? Obviously it's more than a hot body and face. It's a combination of looks and personality. Personality can go a really long way in making a guy attractive. In fact, a gorgeous man with a bad personality is just a waste of time, unless he's on a poster.

I love a man with a great sense of humor. And confidence. Intelligence helps too. Add to that a hot body and great face and you've likely got yourself a winner.

OK, so now that we've determined I'm not completely shallow in real life, let's have some Hollywood fun. I don't know any celebrities personally to judge how 'beautiful' they are on the inside, but there are a few that are looking pretty good on the outside. I have my handful of favorites. Don't you?

On the first day of my blog I posted one of my all-time favorite photos. Simply one of the most beautiful men I've seen--Jason Lewis (better known as Smith on Sex and the City). I loved his long hair best, but his nicely chiselled face does me just fine too. Seeing him naked in the Absolut vodka ad makes me just want to touch his skin and possibly taste him.

A real fan of the series, I was a little less enthused with him in the Sex and the City movie. His acting kind of sucked. I loved in the series when he shaved his head along with Samantha whose hair was falling out from the chemo. That was friggin' moving, and that's basically how I fell in love with Smith. Bet I'm not the only one.

Another beautiful man is Sting. The man's got class. He's fascinating, intelligent and is aging like a god. I'd love to have dinner with him. Look at those eyes!!!! I thought he was cool since I first saw him in The Who's Quadrophenia.

I've always liked Robert Downey Jr. Now I'm a real sucker for blue eyes, but there's something about his dark, dark eyes that captivates me. Did you see him in Restoration? I get wet every time I see the expression on his face when Meg Ryan's character massages his crotch with her foot. Was that acting? Looked pretty authentic to me. And what good woman doesn't need a bad boy to fall for? He's had his troubles, but then everybody's got something.

Anyone remember Jon Erik Hexum? He was damn gorgeous. Too bad he's dead. Accidentally killed himself on the set of a movie in 1984. He was fooling around with a gun (a prop), holding it to his head. Not realizing the impact that shooting blanks would have, he pulled the trigger. Boys will be boys. But he was a fiiiine one. He's at the top end of the scale of nicely muscular without being gross. I bet nothing jiggled on him.

And I don't care if he's old and bald, Ed Harris also makes my list of beautiful (famous) men. I loved him in Apollo 13. He's been great in every role I've seen. Pollock, Milk Money, Radio, A Beautiful Mind.

And speaking of bald men, Howie Mandel tickles more than my funny bone, Sean Connery, though a sexist bastard, is still pretty sexy. I remember as a young girl thinking Yul Brynner was attractive in The Ten Commandments. Bald IS beautiful, as long as the man carries himself with confidence.