get me outta here!

OK, don't get me wrong. I'm very happy with the recent turn of events in my life. I'm thankful to have finally attained clarity in my love life and set my future in motion, and I have new changes to look forward to. All that's good. In fact, it's GREAT.

One of the consequences of choosing this new direction in my life is that I've lost my best friend Rob. Yeah, he was my lover too, but the part I miss most is the friendship. Having someone to bounce the daily shit off of, someone to hang out with, drink with, go places with--not that we went many places, but still...!

The craziness of my busy life while juggling 2 guys, a full time job, house, daughter and dog on my own left me no time for girlfriends. So, that option's out, at least right now. Besides, girls just aren't as interesting as guys. So every single night in the last 3 weeks has been spent studying my new online course, and skyping with Andy.

I love Andy dearly, and I'm stimulated by learning cool new stuff, but it's too much of a good thing. I'm lacking variety and experiences. I haven't been anywhere of a fun nature in weeks. Partly cuz I'm way over budget this month (post-vacation credit card to be paid), but also cuz I have no one to go places with.

Waa waa I sound like a baby.

I've decided to go see Wall Street II this weekend, even if means going alone. And I am going to visit my mom and sister. I feel better about making these plans. But what's really bugging me is that I miss my best friend and that he ignored my last email. I don't really know what to do about that. It bothers me not knowing what he's thinking or feeling. I guess this is what breaking up feels like. Yeah, it sucks.

fun with bottle rockets

I would really like to blog about something other than sex, but really, I'm getting a steady flow of material that I just can't ignore.

So I have to ask, since when can guys in their late 40s cum twice in under 30 minutes? Make that 15 minutes...

I'm talking about my darling boyfriend, age 49. This is the guy who brought a supply of viagra with him the first weekend he visited me. Even on that first night I looked at those pills and said to him you don't need that. And it turns out I was right.

We've gone from successful sex to stimulating sex to intense sex over the last 9 months (in 3 visits). We haven't reached the point of sacred sex yet, but I have no doubt that it's on its way.

In the meantime, we skype our way through sex. It's not ideal, but it keeps us sexually connected. This usually involves me teasing him with words, sights and sounds until he eventually blows. Well, last night he blew. I continued to taunt him with a certain strategic pose. He warned me he was gonna 'go again'. I thought I gotta see this.

And then I swear it was less than 10 minutes and he lost it again. I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. And I'm not sure who was more tickled about this newly discovered phenomenon, me or him!

full moon

It's a day of heavy hearts, buzzing brains, full moon, first day of fall. Parting ways with someone who has carried me through the last 4 years of my life. Saying goodbye to hours of caresses from fingers that never tired running through my hair. Another farewell to summer, which brought me many gifts. Solemn day amidst a future filled with hope.

i've met my match

Finally I've got a guy who can keep up with me in the filth department. Andy sent me this pic yesterday. I love him. Needless to say it's been almost 3 weeks without sex. I don't really mind what it's doing to my brain and my body. I rather like the extra tension, kinda makes me feel powerful. Is this how horny teenage boys feel?

one dirty girl

Skyping with Andy the other night we were both in the mood for love. It had been a chilly day, so I decided to take a hot bath, and bring him along. He didn't complain.

While I ran the water I proceeded to set my laptop on top of the toilet and adjust the view, both his and mine. I couldn't hear a word he was saying over the sound of the rushing water, but his smile came through loud and clear.

It was a natural opportunity to drive him crazy, which I love to do, so I glided the soap over myself and watched him look back at me like a kid in a candy store. He was quiet and attending to his own hot body, but he didn't miss a move.

I asked if he wanted to watch me shave my 'bikini line'. Rubbing the shaving cream all over the parts of my body he was hoping to devour was pretty erotic. Even I could see that in the little image of me in the corner of the Skype screen. His jaw dropped and his cock was raging hard. What fun!

I continued to taunt him after the shave job was done, with extra shaving cream in bonus places. In return he gave me some close up views of his precious merchandise, thereby putting his own laptop at risk in the final moments.

As much as I enjoyed the entire experience, I wondered if I was putting myself at risk at all. I know that Andy watches porn online and uses suggestive pictures of me to get off when I am not around. I'm fine with that. I just hoped I could trust him to not take screen shots (or more) without me knowing. If stuff as explicit as what we did in my tub that night got out there, I would be horrified!

on second thought...

I get the heeby jeebies looking at the pic on the last post. That lint roller almost looks like a weapon.

solo mojo

I've been sans sex partner for a week now. I'm talking about Rob--'around the corner, down the street hot lover for the last 4 years' Rob. We broke it off last weekend because my relationship with Andy trumped my desire for intimacy with Rob. And I've been flying solo ever since.

While I do flirt constantly with Andy via the internet, my body is revirginating by the minute. With a history of sex on demand from Rob, I forgot how to pleasure myself. It was so much easier to put myself in his expert hands and mouth. But it was time for a change.

I am noticing some interesting changes as a result of this sex fast. Like yesterday I was walking my pooch through the woods and I suddenly recalled the moment of Andy's climax when he arched his back with one final thrust and the heavens opened. I shuddered as I stood in the middle of the woods, all flushed, and I walked home a little juicy.

After that point it was one sexy thought after another. I can't watch Andy eat a peach without imagining he is eating me--of course he plays this up to the hilt. And I eat prune plums like they were his balls. Nasty, sweet things.

I like the feeling of having my sexual volume turned way up. I think it inspires me towards new ideas, thoughts and plans. Maintaining a certain amount of tension is good for one's sense of direction. Unless, of course, you have nothing in the house shaped like a penis. No worries, I found something, closed the door and took care of business.

If I could just bottle this mojo, I would have plenty of energy to get my housework done, reseed the lawn, and sign up for an online course all in one day. I feel like superwoman! Then, when my man pings me on facebook asking if he can see me naked, right now, I'm all too happy to jump out of my clothes and onto skype. After all it's his turn to unload, and I love playing accomplice.

ah! bowakowa

Just as I pulled in the driveway to pick my daughter up from her friend's house a few weeks ago this tune came on the car radio. She hopped into the car. I strained to hear the song through my chatty daughter's words, pretending politely to listen to her when I really, really wanted to get lost in this song. I hadn't heard it in years.

I told Andy about this when I was at his house. Two days later when I was in his kitchen washing up some dishes, I heard it start playing over the speakers in his livingroom. He took my hand and led me into the livingroom, pulled me close and slowdanced with me.

Christie and her laptop appendage were chillin on the couch behind us. I turned my head away from her, and from Andy, resting it on his shoulder, so they wouldn't see the tears streaming down my face. It was a combination of his thoughtfulness, the dreaded thought of this dreamlike state ending in a few days, and the ethereal quality of this song, that sent me over the edge.

a la paradise

On our first night, Andy and I bought some incredibly cheap wine. Well, really it was great wine--Woodbridge Cabernet--but so cheap in California compared to back East.

I'd just taken a shower since I'd opted to skip one at 4:45 in the morning, having to leave for the airport at that God forsaken hour. So, all fresh and clean and comfy in my pj bottoms and tank top, I cracked open the bottle of red and poured it into one of his drinking glasses with a cow on it (nope, not a wine glass to be seen in that bachelor pad). What the hell, I was on vacation, therefore nothing was worth sweating over.

We sat on the bench out front of his building and I marvelled at the tall palms above us, and the crop of bamboo growing behind us. Whaaa? Bamboo? I was anxiously awaiting pandas to come for a feeding. No pandas, just Andy, and he's just as squeezable. I love California! I loved that wine!

We drank. We flirted. We exchanged adoring looks till it got dark. Hey, let's go for a walk he said. He took my hand and we walked up a block to Santa Monica Blvd. Around the corner and he led me into a world I'd never seen before. The city was alive.

It was a beautiful balmy night, but just chilly enough to make me aware of my nipples. Hell, I was practically naked. No undies, just one thin layer between my goosebumps and the night air. It felt sweet, like newfound freedom. Walking in pyjamas is not the strangest thing one would see on Santa Monica Blvd. No one gave me a second look. Except Andy, of course.

Most interesting were the displays in store windows; mannequins made of cork, and chains, a few gay sex shops, but tasteful, and amazing furniture stores. Mouth-watering smells wafted out of sidewalk cafes, blaring horns sounded like symphonies and couples in love paused at corners, kissing.

We were one of them. What a perfect opening night. We went home and Andy and I made love in his bed for the first time.

jumping, falling, catching

I look back on the trip to LA and feel like part of me is still there. As I posted earlier, I didn't quite know what would transpire between Andy and me this time. But something sure did, in a big way. Our relationship has definitely reached new ground.

Sure, the vacation endorphins had kicked in, the location was romantic, plus I was ovulating, so I was in an overall heightened state. But it was more about Andy. It was as if he took this opportunity to lay it all on the table. No more pussy footin' around, being politely patient and taking time to get to know each other.

Andy was more open and expressive than ever before. I found he would look into my eyes and tell me how much he loved me, and say stuff about our future together. He was as attentive to me in public as he was when we were alone. He wondered out loud what our baby's nose would look like, then I had to remind him that we could only dream about that, and we wouldn't be making one.

On the 2nd night we shared a glass of wine on the bench out front of his building. The sun had set and it was cool, so I sat close with his arm around me. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eyes and said If you jump, I will catch you.

He said so many other things that showed he truly believes in us. He dreams big, and when I join in, our dreams become very powerful. I feel there's nothing we can't do or have. I am so caught in the wave of hope and happiness that I can think of nothing else.

Ever since I came home I have had such clarity of thought. I feel what it would be like to live with Andy (and Christie) in LA. I want it very much. I see a whole plan ahead of me and I can break down into a million steps all the things I need to do to get there. Work feels less important and I no longer feel as stressed about my job or boss. I feel like I will be gone from there soon.

Also, since being back I have seen Rob a couple times, only to fill him in on the seriousness of my relationship with Andy. Much to his disappointment, I cannot be intimate with him anymore. I feel like I am in a committed relationship. And I like how that feels. I feel no guilt, I feel no sadness. This feels right.

It`s important to me now to stay on track, and to focus on the goal. Seeing Rob would distract me and I don`t want anything to interrupt this wonderful momentum. I have to believe as strongly as Andy does that this is ours. Because I want to be brave enough to jump.

family dreams

One of the things that worried me during my marriage was that my 2 daughters would view their parents' relationship as a normal marriage. This saddened me greatly (among other things). I dreaded the possibility that they would seek a marriage just like ours for themselves, one with so little love, affection and interaction.

So naturally, when I left their dad, I had dreams of a new relationship in which my daughters would witness love and respect between a man and woman. I specifically wanted them to see a man adore me and treat me in a loving way. I knew I would have no trouble showing affection as long as I felt loved. As they were young teenagers then, I figured the timing was vital because they would soon be sizing up partners of their own.

Inasmuch as I knew I would have a loving relationship (and I've been blessed enough to be in my 3rd one post-marriage), it hasn't been till now that I could see a man blending into my family. Although Rob has been loving and supportive over the last 4 years, he has kept his distance from my girls for various reasons, and they have never embraced him. Maria outright dislikes him through no fault of his own. Christie is indifferent towards Rob.

Andy entered our lives a year ago. In October 09 we started skyping and it was then that Christie was introduced to Andy and caught a glimpse of Mom's new relationship. She liked Andy because he is as zany as she is. He's funny, he burps loud (like us) and he knows some famous people. What more could a teenager ask for? Plus Christie noticed how much I laughed when I would talk to him. Maria had already moved to her dad's, so she didn't know much about Andy until he visited here in January.

It was then that it hit me. Andy stayed in our house for 4 days. It was the most comfortable, natural thing. It felt like he belonged. He was so great with Christie, and with my dog, as if he already lived here. When I saw him in the livingroom with Christie just talking and hanging out, I felt like we were a family. I was moved.

When I booked the trip to LA, and asked if I could bring Christie along to see if she liked it, he didn't hesitate to say yes. What man would do that?! He knows she's a great kid, but still, this was to be our vacation time and he has a one bedroom apartment.

So the time comes after much waiting. Christie and I make the trip to LA, our first time across the big US of A. We land at LAX and manage to find our way to the pick up area. Taking the final descent on the escalator, first I see a pair of feet I recognize, then legs, then 2 bouquets in brown wrap. It's Andy and he's brought flowers for Christie and for me. How thoughtful is that...

The whole week he looked after me and my daughter. Made sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed. He cooked special stuff for her and wouldn't even let her help with dishes. I think he spoiled her a bit, but I let him. He won huge points with me and warmed my heart immensely.

Andy won Christie over as well. By day 2 she wanted to move to LA. After an outing with Andy's 17-yr old son Angelo, she said she'd never look at the boys back home the same way again. He'd made quite an impression on her. She climbed into the car with us and declared that Angelo was now her brother so Andy and I better get married! When I hollered I love you to Andy from across the room, she said me too! She hugged Andy several times during the trip, and especially when we said goodbye at the airport.

It's falling into place nicely. We love Andy and Andy loves us. Nice to see my family dreams coming true at last.

10 shocking facts about LA

1. There are no mosquitos. I also saw no flies, bees or creepy crawlies. And very few squirrels.
2. It's kind of cold if you're not in the sun. I am not used to low or no humidity. Especially this summer where it's been upwards of 80% humidity out east.
3. Marijuana is legal (with a Dr's prescription for 'stress') and can be obtained through the local Walgreen's...WHAAA? The green cross can be found almost anywhere in LA.
4. Food in the grocery stores is cheap!
5. Honking seems to be commuters' favorite way to communicate, like a secret language or something.
6. There are so many beautiful areas in what they call 'Los Angeles', and they're all so spectacular in their own right.
7. LAX lacks good food.
8. No smog at the end of August? I never would have believed it.
9. Celebrities are a lot shorter and smaller in person.
10. California is claimed to be falling in the ocean only because it is getting so heavy from all the people who visit there and love it so much that they cannot leave.