May is here again

Ahhh, May, my favorite month. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's the beginning of everything good. I have a history of momentous events in May. I wonder what this one will bring? It's like a present waiting to be opened...

In a couple weeks Christie and I will be flying to Los Angeles. This will be our final visit, because next time we go, we are staying! The mission for this visit is to find the perfect apartment to share with Andy and Christie. Plus, Christie needs to see her new high school. Fingers crossed that she likes it.

I hope I get all my major plans in place and checked off my list this month. I've been teetering on the edge of overwhelmed lately. I have so many things swimming around in my head. I am afraid I am going to forget to do something.

May will be the month when I hand in my resignation to the boss I've called a witch more than once, and to a company that has underpaid me for more than 6 years. Time to move on and I couldn't be happier.

Maybe, just maybe, warm weather will come, and stay! I feel like I need 3 months of sweltering heat to melt the chill inside of me. I can't remember a winter as harsh or a spring as cold and wet as we've just had. Soon I will be complaining of the heat. You watch.

i really like this

big promises

I love Andy. His romance is contagious and I'm happy to make his dreams mine.

almost divorced

With any luck I'll be divorced by Valentine's Day. I filed my final papers to divorce the dickhead on my first day back from LA.

Unfortunately, the closer I get to home base, the more of an asshole he becomes. He must have had a fight with his girlfriend or something. I cannot believe how he still blames me for everything that's wrong in his life. We're talking 5 years that he and I have been separated.

Holy shit. Get over it, man. I can't wait to be done with him. Even better...2500 miles away!

i resolve

1. I resolve the same thing every year--nope, not to lose weight. To drink more often! Drinking is good for me. And I ain't talking water.

2. To clean my oven. I confess, it's been 3 1/2 years. I must put an end to my procrastination and just get in there. Ewww...

3. To spend more time with my sister and mother (before I move away). Since Rob decided not to see me anymore I am in need of a friend to hang out with. Who better than my sister and mother? Especially since I already like them!

4. I've saved the biggest and hardest till last (wish it was a penis). Anyway, I realized I must change the way I feel about my financial situation. I am forever feeling poor. This is all wrong because I am by no means poor. I have a cushy little nest egg, I just refuse to spend it. And it is a fact that I need and deserve a better paying job. It has kept me from getting ahead the last 5 years. That's all part of the plan of moving, and starting over. Moving to a new location is the perfect opportunity to change other habits.

I am so looking forward to this year, for myself and for Christie.

in the catbird seat

Things are happening! I'm in a really good place right now. The most recent stress of my online course is coming to an end, plus I'll be acing the course which also makes me happy pappy. Yesterday I finished almost all of my Christmas shopping. My divorce is well underway--I should be able to file all the paperwork with the court late next week AND my ex has agreed to pay for it. Andy is recovering nicely from the trauma of his mugging last week. He got a lead on a great building with a bunch of 2 bedroom apartments available...in our price range and in a great location at the base of the Hollywood Hills. And I made contact this week with 3 possible schools for Christie and already have 2 appointments set to meet with counselors when I go there in January. I love when my hard work pays off.

:P !!!

clarity in the fog

The fog was thick as pea soup that morning when I drove 45 mins to work, and the same again 8 hours later when I drove all the way back home. Later that Friday night I was headed 45 mins in yet another direction to pick up Andy from a bar in our hometown where he had gone to see a band with some old friends. Pea soup must've been the special of the day. It was the thickest fog I'd seen in years.

Good thing a little crazy weather never scared me. On the road, white knuckling it in spots, I knew that seeing Andy would be worth the trek. All the while I was hoping to God that a deer didn't decide to dart across the country road.

Just as I'm approaching my usual entrance to the major highway that would open the path and carry me to my man, I notice a detour sign. Shit.

OK, I can do this. The detour leads me toward the winding road that runs right along river. At least I've traveled this route before. Although I can't see more than 10' in front of me, I know the direction I'm going. I immediately felt sorry for anyone from out of town trying to navigate these roads. They could forget about reading street signs. My plan was to slow down and just follow the road, which happened to be damn close to the edge of the water, mind you. Seemed like God was playing a joke on me...testing my limits...

But really, God was showing me something. I suddenly realized the incredible analogy I was living at that moment. Driving through this fog, I couldn't see how I was getting to where I was going, but I knew where I was going. Though I didn't have control over the factors that surrounded me, I had faith that I was going in the right direction, that I would be safe and I would arrive unscathed. I think the most valuable realization was that I wasn't scared. It couldn't have paralleled my challenge of moving to California any better.

Not 2 minutes after my little epiphany, I reached a small town where the road opened up and the fog cleared completely. Really??!! Wow.

There are few moments in life when things like this grab my attention and open my eyes. But when they do, they are so damn precious and powerful. It was such a cool story, I had to tell Andy as soon as I got to him, and I just had to tell you.

who's excited?

My trip to LA is right around the corner. I feel like I've been preparing for this for months. I've run the gamut of emotions from the time I booked the trip (in April, was it?) to now:

At first I was wickedly excited, but nervous about spending the money...then tentative when Andy was visiting me and driving me a little batty...then regretful after Andy flew back home and I delved deeper into my relationship with Rob...then a little non-chalant as I withdrew somewhat from my love lives and into myself for awhile...then excited again as it came closer and I started to focus on how much fun Christie and I were going to have.

The last week I have been just giddy with anticipation! I've worked out all the logistics of going away, so I'm starting to enter fun Dinamode.

Now I've just got to maneuver through this last week with Rob. He has developed his recurring case of Andyitis. He doesn't enjoy the times leading up to my trysts with Andy. And I don't blame him. But he knows this is something I have to do to figure out where I want to be in the next phase of my life. I really don't feel guilty about it, but I do empathize with Rob and try to comfort him.

In the meantime Andy sends me photos illustrating how excited HE is about my visit. (He's got a thing for my feet.) I'm not sure which one of us is more excited...!

LA's around the corner

I am so friggin' excited. I'm going to be in LA in a couple weeks!

I think I'm equally excited to be travelling with Christie as I am to go/see somewhere new. Andy's got all sorts of cool things planned too. He's taking me to Chateau Marmont to hopefully run into an A grade celebrity or two. Geez I hope I recognize them, after all I hardly watch tv since I've started blogging and Facebooking.

Andy's also going to take Christie to LA Ink to meet Amy Nicoletti. And we're going to Santa Monica, and Malibu Beach and Venice Beach. And of course Christie has to go see where the Jonas Brothers live (even though they'll be on tour then) and every place that Nick Jonas has played...

And we're going on set of a tv show. And we're going to see the Hollywood sign, of course, and other landmarks that he sees every day and takes for granted. And I get to meet his son, his friends, and a mutual friend of ours that I haven't seen in 30 years. This is gonna be so very cool.

10 days till top 10

Andy my love will be here soon and I'm already dreaming about what I want to do with him. In no particular order:

1. Dance with him in the kitchen - God, that was so romantic last time.


2. Smell him.


3. Wake up and realize he is right next to me in bed.


4. Surprise Christie with her autographed Nick Jonas pictures.


5. Watch Jerry Maguire with him and tell him I want to be his Marcy Tidwell.


6. Feel the soft fur of his stomach on my face.


7. Lick his balls.


8. Meet his whole family and have him fawn over me in front of them.


9. Stare at every feature of his gorgeous face without it being all pixellated.


10. Go shopping and try on all the clothes he picks out.

Andy eve

As I write this, Andy's flight has likely just touched down in our hometown, just an hour's drive from me. He has travelled all the way across the country today, from a very warm and sunny place, to the frigid, cold and dark Northeast, just to see me. His family wonders what he is doing coming home this time of year. ?!?!

Life will be different starting tomorrow. But then again, it always is.

I had my last conversation with Rob an hour ago. He's holding up remarkably well. Except that he's suddenly forgotten why I am doing this. Sigh........

The house is clean (a lot cleaner than Andy's will ever be), my laundry's done, all signs of Rob have been hidden. Even Christie is excited about Andy's arrival. Basically I am ready to accept my new houseguest. Now just a few prayers please. Send them all to Rob. I am feeling a little guilty right now.

Tomorrow I will work as normal a day as I can muster. Then at 5:00 I will head over to pick Andy up from his mother's house. The moment we first see each other in person, and touch, has been a topic of conversation and fantasy for a long time. I am sure it will be wonderful. And I think he will recognize me this time (lol).

I will bring him home with me where he will stay until I send him back to his mother. We still have to have the oral sex by condom talk. Ewww. Not sure when we'll actually have sex, because I was lucky enough to get my period just today. (I think Rob put a hex on me.) OK, no prayers for Rob.

Hang in...it might be awhile before I get a chance to blog about this upcoming chapter!

2 weeks to Andy

The countdown is on. Fourteen days until I get to stand face to face and touch my lips to his.

He flies in on Wednesday night, arriving pretty late. I decided I will work the day on Thursday (it will be a very exciting day filled with anticipation). He'll need to adjust to the time change anyway and visit with his mom before I steal him. After work I will drive to his mother's house in our hometown to pick him up. I am already imagining the moment when he first opens the door. My mind keeps drawing me to that moment. It's really fun to imagine all different scenarios.

After the initial hug and kisses, I will get to meet his mom. I am looking forward to that. Then I will whisk him off to my house where we will spend the next 3 days together. Getting reacquainted. Laughing. Touching. Talking. Staring. Kissing. Kissing. Kissing.

Andy doesn't go back to LA until Feb 4th, so I will have him for 2 weekends and a few days in between. I hope we have enough time for all the things I'd like to do with him. I think this is going to be really fun.

May is my favorite month

May has typically been a great month for me. Since I was little I've liked May best, mostly because nice weather finally returned and the end of the school year was in sight. The grass turns green and lilacs bloom in May. It's everything new and alive after a long, dingy, dull winter.

For me, May signifies the beginning of something even better. Like summer, free time, growth, adventure. May is the excitement of sitting on the brink of something absolutely grand. Like Christmas Eve, knowing that you have a pile of presents to open tomorrow. Like a first date with someone you're crazy about. Like those few seconds leading up to the orgasm.

In the last decade a lot of wonderful things have happened in my life in the month of May. I met an amazing guy in May 1999 who woke me from a long, dark sleep and opened the window to my soul. In May 2000 I had my first Reiki treatment which was a life-altering experience that set me on the spiritual path I've been on since.

It was May 2005 when I got my current job--I remember how excited I was to get the phone call--I actually screamed. And in May 2006 I told my husband it was over, freeing myself from years of emotional emptiness. I moved into my own place in May 2007 and had a "Life is Good" party where everyone who came had to have a dance on the coffee table with me.

Just a few milestones and fond memories...