what? no boxers?

It's been damn fun being kidless for the summer. Christie's gone back home till mid-August, so Andy and I are free to do whatever we want, when we want and however we want. Let's just say it spices things up a bit and makes us that much more adventurous.

IF adventurous means going sans underwear, then Andy was indeed adventurous today. The real adventure lay in the fact that as we were standing on the balcony kissing, he decided to finally share with me the fact that he had no underwear on. Well, that immediately piqued my curiosity. I wanted to know what it felt like, did he like it, did he hate it? And could I tell the difference by looking, feeling?

I just so happened to rub up against him and that's when the real fun began. I know boxers are made of just about the thinnest material known to man and offer no resistance/ support whatsoever to the goods, but I swear I could feel a difference without them. Things were perking up at my slightest touch. Very nice!

We thought it best to take the party inside. I took a spot in my favorite livingroom chair. Andy walked over to me, stopped and stood in front of me, waiting. I must say it was about 20x sexier to peel his pants off and find him stark naked underneath. Hello! I. Like. That.

Delicious sex ensued. We swapped sexual favors on various pieces of furniture and ended up on the floor, close and satisfied. The livingroom is fun. Maybe we'll do it in the livingroom all summer long. That way when the kid comes back, the bedroom will be fresh and exciting again. Of course there are those mirrored closet doors on the way to our ensuite...that could also be very adventurous.

one year in LA

Still a newbie, but definitely learning the ropes, I am extremely proud to say that I survived my first year living in LA. Not for the faint of heart, LA chews you up and spits you out, all the while asking how much more do you want to take? Then, when you look it square in the eye and say bring it on bitch, it backs off and says ok, I guess you can stay.

Victorious? Well, not quite yet. Still some obstacles to overcome, and I certainly have not met my main goals in coming here. But for now I am happy to be healthy, employed, in love, and finding my space in the city of angels.

The other night as I was leaving Santa Monica and merging onto the 405 from the 10, I saw the lights of downtown LA on my right far off in the distance, the buildings of the Wilshire district at my immediate right and the hills of the San Fernando Valley ahead. It was a sight to behold--I mean it is so damn beautiful and breathtaking that sometimes it hits me and I get a little choked up.

Where else in this country, maybe in the whole world, has all this to offer?--ocean beaches, nightlife, endless action, culture, mountains, cities within cities, amazing weather, shopping galore, everything...except my family.

Dunno, guess LA's growing on me a little.

tonight let's be lovers

open some red, red wine and taste your red, red...
and all the sweat's leading and dripping wildly, you can't deny
the pleasant dreams are here, just exploit them
just you and me, just for an evening
all the way
...and tomorrow go back to being friends

Amazing song and such a sweet fantasy, but really?! Can anyone honestly do this? I'd like to think I can, but if someone's hot enough to jump in the sack with on Saturday night, I'm gonna be wanting him on Sunday, too. Unless, of course it was in a drunken fog and on Sober Sunday I decide he'd look better with a bag over his head. Have I ever done that? No. But I have had a guy be such a big disappointment that I no longer desired him. That, I could see...

But typically I won't open Pandora's box just for one night and banish it from my mind forever after. I take my attractions (and sex) very seriously. And I can get hooked pretty easily.

OK, so say you actually get it on with someone you know secretly "just for one night". Can you go on in your daily life (assuming that secret lover is somehow present) and control your desire? Can you coexist indefinitely with the lover of yesterday without anyone else knowing, or ever going back for more?

damn catchy

I've been meaning to see this kid play ever since I first saw him on The Voice last season. Plays somewhere in LA just about every week. Just love this tune.

climbing right on

Whew! Being kidless for the summer is fun. And I've been relishing this self-imposed challenge to indulge Andy's every-third-minute thought with frivolous abandon!

The other night we tried out a new whiskey at a bar in Silverlake. It was tasty, but it almost put us flat on our asses before we'd even finished one glass. It was a gorgeous warm SoCal night. We wandered (stumbled) down a section of Sunset Blvd as we left the bar, finding cool hidden spots where we could grab a feel and basically kiss like a couple of teenagers. He has very yummy kisses, still.

When the booze wore off enough Andy drove us home safely. Still riding on a faint buzz I wanted to have my way with him before total sobriety hit. When I came out of the bedroom/bathroom after freshening up he was lying on the couch. I nonchalantly got naked and climbed right onto his mouth, backwards, as my own mouth went for his dick. For some reason this was way more comfortable on the couch than it ever is in the bed. I was loving it just fine...............

It didn't take long for me. At all. Combination of the booze, the freedom to be wild, the 10-day dry spell and his skilled mouth...well, that's all I needed! After my glorious moment I rode him to high heaven and brought him to his own buckin' bronco moment.

Nice to be back in the saddle...yee-ha!

every 3 minutes?

Andy deserves a medal for putting up with me over the last few months. Between my juggling a full-time job, a teenage daughter who usually takes priority over my time and an extremely busy visit from my other daughter last week...oh yeah, AND the bitchy/blue phase that followed after both daughters left me for the summer...yeah, he deserves several medals. Seriously, he's such a good sport and never gets mad even when I'm running around like a crazywoman.

It was a few days after the girls left before Dinamo returned in full force, but Andy and I finally had sex after about a 10 day hiatus. It was mostly an urgent 'unloading' as there's seldom time for romance with that kind of build-up! Nevertheless, it was nice to get back in the groove. The next morning I woke up early and Andy was already in the livingroom sketching and painting like there was no tomorrow. 

He was bouncing around, oozing happiness, and I couldn't help but ask if I had 'inspired' him with our lovemaking last night. He said Hell yeah! It sure is nice to clear the mind of sex. It leaves more room for creativity.

His remark sort of perplexed me. I said Really? I paused a few moments, then asked Like how often do you actually think about sex?


Now, guys, this probably comes as no surprise to you, but honestly, I never thought a 50-year old guy would say...about every 3 minutes. Ladies, is this surprising to you? No shit!

I must admit, once it sank in, I was kind of turned on by the fact that sex is so top of mind for my guy. Which pretty much means I can have it anytime I want it. Cool...I just may take that as a challenge. We have the summer to ourselves. Might as well make it HOT.

i love being a girl

I know, I know, I'm a bit mature to be called a girl, but just allow me my moment, please.

I can still be excited about getting attention from guys, especially my beloved Andy, and making myself look my best, keeping fit not fat, and dressing to a T to make those heads turn my way. The attention is good for my confidence. And as I approach 50 I am proud to say that I still turn plenty of heads and occasionally get told I have a great ass. I'll take that.

Only we girls can have babies, and that's been a real trip for me. I know, not all fun and games. In fact, raising them was the most intense test of endurance of my life. But my life wouldn't have been right without having them. I love my girls and I loved giving birth to them, although making them was the most fun of all!

Another awesome thing about being a girl, which most women despise, is the monthly cycle. Mine has never been a nightmare full of pain and gross stuff. Instead it brings a surge in sexual appetite which makes the craving so exciting, especially when my man is hot and waiting to satisfy! Having sex during my period has been a pretty intimate affair as well.

I guess you could say I have embraced my femininity. The men in my life have, too.

ouch

I thought I'd achieved a little peace, then May came. I've spent most of the month feeling like crap. Between Christie and myself, I feel like I've spent an enormous amount of time just dealing with medical issues.

It started the day after I had my big verbal release with Andy. I noticed a sore spot on the outside of my throat. It felt like a bad bruise on the right side of my neck near my Adam's apple. Flu-like symptoms followed--ear aches, sore neck muscles, achy shoulders, headache. I had barely enough energy to get me past dinner. Bedtime was the thing I most looked forward to every day. It was depressing.

After multiple doctor visits, blood tests and an ultrasound on my thyroid, the doctor said I was anemic. Plus I have nodules on my thyroid (which may have been there a long time) and have some antibodies against my thyroid (WTF?). My theory about the thyroid flare-up is that it was a byproduct of finally expressing my feelings to Andy. In holistic medicine, issues of the throat reflect problems with communication and the right side is symbolic of male energy. Communication with the man in my life has certainly been a challenge for me!

In the last week the pain in my thyroid has just about disappeared. All I've been doing is taking Advil which I was doing all along. I also take an iron pill a day for the anemia. I do have my energy back for the most part. The doctor was not overly concerned about any of the test results. She wants a 3 month follow up.

In the meantime I continue to be plagued with random issues which would be almost comical if listed. It's weird though. As often as I feel under the weather, I rarely get sick. I don't know what's worse. Maybe it would be better to get a full-blown sickness and get it over with...?

This year I really feel my age. And I hate saying that because I do so many things to keep myself healthy. I don't look old, but my body seems to be rebelling. All I can really blame my health challenges on is the stress I've been under in the past year. I hope I can kick this once and for all. I feel like I've been paying way more than my share of dues. I want to get back on top where I belong.

a little peace

I have a few simple things to say.

Working is great. I have purpose. I am learning. I am impressing the people who observe me in my work. I am getting paid. I feel good about me.

I cleared the air with Andy. One night it all came gushing forth. I said what I needed to say without being hurtful. It seems we were both hiding a lot of the same feelings. I immediately felt closer to him. All resentment has disappeared. I now look forward to spending time with him instead of looking for other things I *have to do*. Quite a little miracle, this communication thing.

Lovvvvvvving the dogs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I volunteer at the animal shelter. Not only do I love choosing lonely or scared dogs to nurture, but I love helping match a dog to someone who's looking for a new four legged friend. I am really good at it and I cannot describe how amazing it feels each time I get one more dog out of that place and into a loving home.

Now that I have my finances and relationship under control, I have only one area of concern. Christie, my 16 year old daughter. She hasn't been too happy or healthy since December. I am not sure how much of her current state is due to the fact that she is being a teenager and how much is a result of moving her 2,000 miles away from the life she used to know. One thing I am sure of, though--I have done, and continue to do, everything I can to help her.

Christie will be going back home to stay with her dad and my older daughter Maria for about 6 weeks this summer. This will probably reveal some things. I just don't want a health crisis like we had on out Christmas trip back home. Friggin' nightmare. I truly hope she realizes what she wants and needs, and finds some direction. I miss the old Christie :(

ANYWAY...it appears my life is back on track. I am finding a little peace at last. Maybe Christie will find her way soon. I'll be patient. God hasn't let me down yet.

Happy endings required.

employed!

It's been a much longer road than I imagined. Maybe a good thing I didn't know up front how long it really was or I would have chosen another route, or worse yet, stood still. But here I am now, finally employed.

No, it's not exactly what I wanted. And it's not quite enough money, but I can get by. It's also temporary (9 months or so), but the company hopes to have another position for me when this one is done. OK, whatever. I am glad to HAVE PURPOSE! And GET PAID! Also good to close the gap in my resume as well as stop the bleeding of my bank account.

A big WHEW!

about to burst

Old habits die hard. I found myself poking and jabbing at you, trying to mask my annoyance with something you've done...or not done. Often I'm not even aware what exactly frustrates me, but you, unfortunately, are my target.

I jab with a smile, as if that means it's all in fun. I dance on the line between teasing and insulting. How far can I go to ease my frustrations yet not get called on it? God forbid I have to explain why those things you do just don't fit in my world. I couldn't bear to hurt you that way. My verbal stabs are somehow a little more innocuous.

Yes, this is one of the things you're not supposed to do to the one you love. I knew I went too far when the room got suddenly quiet.

And then came the guilt.

Hello, old habits. Here we go again. Buried feelings, mainly frustration. Which leads to Resentment. And presents itself as Sarcasm. Why is it more natural for me to communicate through sarcasm than to have a heart-to-heart talk with the one I love?

I have 9 months of tightly packed frustrations that I've been trying to manage on my own. And it's not working. Lately I realized I have been taking it out on you. Some of it you deserve, some you do not. Excuse me darling, would you mind being my punching bag? I need to get this shit off my chest so I/we can move past it and I can be the nice girlfriend that I long to be.

Let's just make a tidy list of all the things I am pissed about. This way I can vent out the nasties in my blog without hurting you, and be more prepared for a calm, adult conversation with you. Here goes the rant:

1. You never really acknowledged all that I gave up to move to California to be with you. And please don't retort with the statement of how you also gave up a lot, because honestly, giving up a rent-controlled apartment is a tiny fraction of what I gave up.
2. I have lost my sense of security. This is a really scary feeling. Not only could you not offer any financial support while I was looking for work, but you had no clue how to help me with the real problems I encountered either. Other than "I love you and everything will be fine", which I started to hate being told, I was pretty much on my own to figure shit out.
3. You are oblivious to things that need to be done on a regular basis. This includes cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, planning meals and grocery shopping, etc. Do you not see the pile of pubes growing in the corner of the bathroom? How about the crumbs and dustbunnies on the kitchen floor? Does it not bother you that you have to crawl over your stuff to open the bedroom window? If I ask you to do something, you willingly do it, but why must I always ask? I want you to see for yourself, care enough to change it, and then actually do it.
4. I always have to be the leader, the initiator, the planner, the problem-solver. Frig! I don't wanna!
5. Why can't you take better care of yourself? I work out twice a week and eat in moderation. I look good because I have committed to being physically fit. You keep noting how handsome you are, but honey, you're getting larger and larger.
6. You don't really know me, and it seems you don't have much interest in finding out my deepest thoughts and feelings. You do, however, constantly tell me how beautiful I am, but really it makes me feel like I'm merely your trophy or something. Dig beneath the surface for once. Give me a glass of whiskey and ask me questions. You will be greatly rewarded.
7. I need more space and more quiet. I feel like I can't gather my thoughts and get myself organized in this apartment. I have no space to call my own, and nowhere to concentrate on my work stuff unless you and Christie are out. When you're here you seem to always be listening to music, tv, or podcasts. I long for silence.
8. I don't like your neediness. Feel free to say I love you whenever you want, but don't expect me to return those words just because you said them first. I will say them when I genuinely feel it and want to share my feelings with you. It's not a ritual for me to say I love you at the end of every single phone call, whenever I leave the house or just because you said it. I never want those words to lose their true meaning. Strangely enough you rarely say those words when I would like to hear them most--when we're making love, or fucking, as you would say.
9. Sex. Honey, I really need to connect with you on a deeper level. We should be a lot further along than we are, in and out of bed. Gotta work on that.

There, I've vented. Though it was supposed to make me feel better, I feel guilty. It sounds like I have zero appreciation for all the good you give me. And you are the biggest-hearted guy. Just a bit oblivious to how to really reach me. Why can't you read my mind??

my new lovers

Guess I found another sacred space. It may be loud and a little stinky, but it's full of furry, little lovers. I go to visit them almost every day. I fall asleep thinking of these guys and wake up excited knowing I get to see them again. Oh, the hours I've spent loving them :)

I have been volunteering at the dog pound for a few weeks now. This surprises some people considering what I witnessed on my first day of training. I watched as the guy who was teaching me the procedure to walk the dogs got his hand suddenly and severely chewed by a chow chow (no pun intended). Blood squirted everywhere as he screamed fuck! fuck! My teacher fled to the emergency room for stitches and I haven't seen him since. I hear his hand is still healing.

Regardless of that drama (which I believe was a valuable lesson in responsible dog handling), I've kept my heart open to these guys. They are so desperate for human contact, physical touch and quiet moments together. But I use protection--a pair of leather gloves, at least until I get to know the dog better.

This has been my best idea yet. Call it free therapy. Sitting in the California sunshine playing with Rover, then having him snuggle into you and lie down on your lap...OHHHHH. Ecstasy! I like taking the nervous guys (often shaky little chihuahuas), holding them tight against my chest and feeling their shaking bodies finally relax. It's then that they start making eye contact and often try to grab a kiss.

I feed them some treats, then pet them and scratch their bellies if they want. It feels just as good for me as it does for them. I fall in love with a new dog practically every visit. And by now I must have 20 lovers. But what the hell. The more the merrier. I've got enough love to go around.

I'm happy.

sacred space

Space is essential to getting in touch with yourself. I need space to find my peace. There is little peace within our apartment, unless I go into the bathroom, shut the door and run bath water. There I can be alone and uninterrupted in my thoughts.

Today I found peace on a walk in the neighbourhood, weaving in and out of the side streets. What I love most about these streets, besides the fact that they are quieter than the high-traffic, siren-blaring city street that we live on, is that I can get deeper into my head and go places that feel good and right to me.

I experimented today on my walk. I decided to see how far I could go mentally while fantasizing about a ‘perfect life’. My hope was to raise my mental and emotional state to a level that would attract all great things to me. I know these things are waiting for me, but I need to achieve and maintain a higher level of being in order to bring them to me faster. So this is how it went…

I imagined going to a job that I loved, in a place that I admired, doing work that was meaningful and rewarding, working with people who were fun, smart and kind, producing great things, having awesome conversations with my coworkers and all business associates, eating fabulous lunches, wearing great clothes, and basically, enjoying every minute that I spend there.

Then I’d have a pleasant drive home in a gorgeous car which was always clean, and arrive at my home sweet home on a peaceful street lined with cute houses with pretty gardens, white fences or regal gates, and lovely trees with lots of chirping birds.

I’d come home to loved ones who’d had a marvellous day themselves, including my easygoing maintenance-free pets. A heavenly smell would be wafting from the kitchen and we’d soon be sitting down to dinner, but not until we shared a glass of wine. The sun was always shining and lighting up the inside of our house, windows open, but warm floors, and fresh flowers in vases.

Dinner is amazing especially because I didn’t have to cook it myself. We talk, share stories and laugh. After clearing the table we go for a walk, or I putter in the garden with my companion 2^nd glass of wine in hand. The singing of the birds fades as the sun sinks in the sky. My garden patio is my Eden.

I go to sleep with the satisfaction of today behind me and the excitement of tomorrow ahead. When I wake, the sun is always there to invite me into the day. I am up earlier than everyone else, even my neighbors. My world is silent except for the birds and the perking sounds made by the coffee pot.

Walking into my kitchen bathed in morning sunlight, the window is still open from last night and the scent of sweet jasmine is wafting in. I pour myself some organic coffee in the mug that Maria gave me many Christmases ago and walk out the back door onto the sunny stoop with my pets. I watch my pets wander through the garden, butterflies land on flowers, the sun warms my bare legs, the caffeine lifts me and ideas for the day start flowing.

I’ll plant something today. Mom will come over for lunch and we’ll talk for a couple hours about life and stuff. Later I’ll take Maria shopping and we’ll buy whatever we damn well please, because we can. Andy will bring Christie and the 4 of us will meet somewhere nice for dinner and drinks, maybe overlooking the ocean.

All the while I feel so blessed to have found exactly what I’ve been looking for, and I love every moment of my life.

You can see why I didn’t want to come back home after that walk. The fantasy was so real at one point that it brought tears to my eyes. That’s when I knew I was on my way to achieve what I had set out to do. It had felt so good in every sensual and spiritual way to dream that dream. I must go there again, and often. That magical place, my sacred space.

groovin' - in a state of pranic

So I'd sent out new feelers--to the animal shelter to volunteer, and to Carly for inspiration and girl-bonding. My number one priority was to start feeling awesomely happy again, whatever that took!

Finding a job had been pushed further down the list, but was not forgotten. I had the notion that I needed to network in a different way, especially after drawing that Oblique Strategies card that told me to abandon known instruments. Networks are everything when it comes to finding a new job. I know that because every single job I'd ever gotten, in one way or another, had been through someone I knew. And because my network here in LA is still sadly limited I needed to expose myself to more people, other types of people, besides Andy's friends.

I started looking for groups to join. Two birds, one stone: I'll make friends and just might get a lead on a job. I found this great website which allows you to search for groups in your area based on your interests. Once you join the group they email you notifications of upcoming meetings, as well as recommendations of other groups you might like to join. Holy shit--the possibilities are endless!

I wish I'd thought of this group idea sooner...it was a late, but incredible, discovery. Long story short, one group I joined was offering pranic healings. I'd never heard of that, but I've done Reiki, which I thought might be similar. I was gung ho to try it.

I went alone hoping to connect to some cool people (California hippies) and possibly leave there feeling better about life with a healing of some sort. Normal looking people filed in one by one until there were about 10 of us. No one was very outgoing, so I made small talk to a couple people sitting close to me. A middle aged man stood up and introduced himself as the group leader and proceeded to tell us what to expect of this 3 hour evening.

We began with some light exercises to wake up our energy centers and prepare us for accepting the divine energy. As a group we followed a 30-minute meditation by some pranic healing master on CD. This was the point I first started to feel my emotions loosen. A few tears rolled down my face as I visualized the people in my family that I wanted to shower with love and protection.

Having survived the meditation and more exercise rituals, I was excited to get to the healing part. I was assigned a female healer who'd been sitting among us though I didn't realize who she was until this point. She started by explaining to me that I could ask her to work on anything that I needed, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. She would be healing me by way of clearing blockages in my chakras (energy centers), without touching me, as I sat quietly, eyes closed, and fully "open" to receiving a healing.

I stated my need to feel confident again; confident about my abilities and the way I express myself. I'd been reluctant to share my opinions or speak my truth to anyone here in California (except Carly) and was convinced that no one cared what I had to say and no one wanted to listen to me or hire me. That was all my healer needed to hear. I closed my eyes and she began her work.

For the next 45 minutes I took a journey inside my head and heart. It was like convoluted movie clips playing in my head (kind of like the boat ride in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, but with all good stuff). I was aware of feeling my heart opening, so much that I could sense love flowing in and out of it like warm lava.

There was a scene in which every nice thing people ever told me about myself was repeated--there was Rob, Cam, Lee, my bosses, my colleagues, friends, my grandma, my daughters, and random strangers who'd commented on how beautiful my smile is. Tears poured down my face in streams. It felt good, though I was afraid my white shirt would be drenched and covered with run-off makeup when this was all over.

Later in the healing I saw myself as a tree, a beautifully graceful tree with bare branches like thin fingers reaching up to the sky. Suddenly whitish-pink flowers bloomed over the entire tree, like a giant magnolia in prime season.

These are the things I was most aware of. Every time my mind wandered to my older daughter Maria, more tears gushed out. It was all part of the healing, I am sure. Again, when it was over and I'd opened my eyes, I was acutely aware of the feeling of love pulsing through the middle of me and surrounding me like a blanket. I felt as if I could love anything or anyone at that time, no matter how awful or ugly it/they were. Is this how God feels?, I wondered. Actually I didn't wonder, I knew. This was divine love.

After the healing, my healer and I had a conversation about what I'd been experiencing since I moved to LA. She reinforced the fact that I chose to come here and that I am supposed to be here. She said I chose this place and these circumstances to force myself to deal with longstanding issues. It would be an intense healing journey, meaning fast and furious, but it would be a permanent one. She gave me a few pointers on how to deal with people and businesses here and assured me this is all going my way.

I had to center myself again before I could actually get in my car and drive back home. I was feeling absolutely renewed, uplifted and completely hopeful in knowing that once again, I had life by the balls. I continued to float in this blissful state for the next few days and did everything I could to preserve the feeling. I prayed, meditated, practiced love and repeated affirmations whenever I was alone (so that Andy and Christie wouldn't think I'd totally lost it).

I've been back for 2 more pranic healings since then. Neither had the profound effect that the first one did, but they were still very worthwhile. I took my younger daughter Christie and she had a very similar experience to mine--an intense feeling of love as well as symptoms that cleared for 3-4 days. She needs to go again, and I will too. How can I ever resist something that good? I haven't felt that close to God in a long time. Too long.

Well, the group atmosphere was definitely more about getting healed than making friends or finding job leads, but I will gladly accept the gifts I've been given! And who knows...there could be many more gifts in store for me. :)

getting the groove back - with a friend

The decision to volunteer should have been a no-brainer. During previous low points in my life I found that giving of myself was the key to feeling good again. Why do I forget these things? I suspect I'd save a lot of time and misery if my memory was better.

I was in dire need of someone to lean on. I'd been trying hard not to unload too much of my own worries on Andy for fear he'd freak out. I felt he was at his limit for my frustration and if I told him how I honestly felt, he'd dive into a perpetual state of worry. But I just had to vent to someone, confess all my ugly thoughts and fears.

This is where Carly came in. I actually met Carly at Andy's ex-wife's birthday party a few months ago. Carly is friends with both Andy and his ex-wife. I should mention there's no animosity whatsoever between the ex-wife and me. In fact I like her, but not enough to confide in her. Carly, on the other hand, extended herself to me right from the start. She was sweeter than sweet, and we both have a deep interest in spiritual things and the metaphysical.

So I called on Carly to be my friend. We met out at a restaurant on a Saturday afternoon. She had a salad. I had zucchini bread, a coffee and the pep talk that I desperately needed. I told her how dismal my outlook had become, and how I feared I'd have to move back east if I didn't get a job by May. I also shared with her that I couldn't complain any more to Andy because he just couldn't handle it.

Carly let me blather on, but it didn't take long. Just saying it out loud once was a big relief. She was so empathetic and responsive. Her concern for me was genuine. She didn't try to wash it over with an "oh, everything's going to be fine". Instead she gave me inspiration to simply ask the higher powers to show me opportunities and to give me everything I need to recognize them, go after them, and achieve them. Her enthusiasm and belief were contagious. I became as animated and excited as she was about what was about to happen for me.

She might as well have dropped some magic powder in my coffee, but that visit with Carly was like a drug. She was definitely God-sent. And I was grateful for her understanding, her guidance and her inspiration. I left there feeling like a million bucks. But looking back, that was only the beginning!

to be continued...