best friends

Rob and I hung out last night. We opened a bottle of wine, sat on my couch and talked. Time can sure fly when we do that sort of thing. It's good to talk to Rob. We cover lots of territory and I'm to the point where I can pretty much talk about anything with him, except detail on Andy, of course. But that's out of respect.

Rob asks some pretty provocative questions and gets me thinking. He is the inner voice of reason at all times. Which is good, if reason is what you're looking for. It's hard for him to understand that I might not always be looking for reason, or the other fine qualities he possesses. He still can't quite comprehend why I would have given up such a great love as ours (and chosen Andy).

If he could have witnessed Andy and me on that first day/night together, he would know. If he could have seen how I was moved by Andy's total abandon, his confession of love, and willingness to put his heart on the line once again with no guarantees. It was that, and Andy's brilliance with words, that won me over. I'd been looking for someone to inspire me towards a new level of growth, and Andy was the one. I admire so many things about him.

But those are things I can't tell Rob because they'd just be too damn painful to hear. He's better left wondering. Don't you think? So now Rob continues to ponder the what if's while I have completely accepted the fact that it wasn't ever quite right for a reason. Let's not think about fixing it.

I have moved on to life with Andy. I still have love for Rob, but not desire. I still crave time with him, more for the conversation of a good friend and because he knows me so well, is familiar with my history and is the perfect person to bounce ideas off of. His hugs are still great. And I choose not to think about his physical attributes for fear that I might remember them all too well.

Rob is starting to date again. He hasn't found anyone quite as wonderful as me yet (his words), but he's in a good place emotionally. He's not pining over me and we can still hang out and be friends without jeopardizing my new relationship. Best friends, in fact.