I am a strong believer that you need to feel good about what you do. This applies to everything from how you earn a living, to what you eat, to killing a spider. If you repeatedly do some action that just doesn't sit right with you, there will be repercussions.
I have been following this philosophy for quite some time. I had settled into a routine life back in my small northeast town and therefore had the ability to assess everything new that tried to make its way into my world.
Since moving to Los Angeles, everything is turned upside down. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. But for a woman who can get quite comfortable (bored yes, but comfortable) with routine, it sure seems like this is an extreme change to the life I knew! My point is that I am bordering on overstimulation in my new surroundings and have kind of lost my equilibrium, or sense of what's best for me. In this new, somewhat precarious position I now call life, I was not careful about what I let enter my world.
Here's Andy, my sweet, adoring boyfriend that I finally get to live with! As lighthearted, fun and talented as he is, the man has an affinity for some hardcore activities in the bedroom. I'm no prude myself, and honestly I found this aspect of our love life very attractive after having a very gentle, but passive boyfriend. Granted, Rob was an extraordinary lover, but it was unnatural for a guy with his loving nature to get down and dirty. Andy does not have that problem. In fact, he took me some places (sexually speaking) that really did it for me. And I wanted more of that.
So now we are living together and we are basically having sex as often as we like. Which is a lot. But there have been some instances where I found myself feeling bad after sex. Kind of defiled. The first couple times I didn't say anything. But finally I spoke up and told him that during those certain acts I can't feel his love for me. I don't mind being filthy dirty, but I need to sense his underlying love and care for me while he's holding my head in place, shoving his cock down my throat. I mean I hope he realizes in those moments that I need to breathe. What scared me about it most was that he might actually be getting off on the fact that he was hurting me, because I sensed that at the time. But when I told him that he had pushed me beyond my limit and that that was too dark for me, he apologized, and he's been much more considerate since.
There have been some other things he has done that I've felt not mentally ready for, but because they were pretty stimulating physically I let him continue. But later I was left feeling unsettled. I find myself in unchartered sexual territory with Andy, which is kind of surprising based on my experience.
I believe that the negative feelings I've had about some of our sexcapades led to trouble last week. Without getting into detail, I came down with a condition that not only halted our sex life for a couple weeks, but could change the way we relate to each other forever. It has not been fun and it is more than I am ready to deal with so early in our life together. I hope it doesn't damage our bond which is really only in its infancy. I think it will all depend on how we react and respond to each other from here on in.
Life has been kind of hard lately. I trust it will get better.
I have been following this philosophy for quite some time. I had settled into a routine life back in my small northeast town and therefore had the ability to assess everything new that tried to make its way into my world.
Since moving to Los Angeles, everything is turned upside down. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. But for a woman who can get quite comfortable (bored yes, but comfortable) with routine, it sure seems like this is an extreme change to the life I knew! My point is that I am bordering on overstimulation in my new surroundings and have kind of lost my equilibrium, or sense of what's best for me. In this new, somewhat precarious position I now call life, I was not careful about what I let enter my world.
Here's Andy, my sweet, adoring boyfriend that I finally get to live with! As lighthearted, fun and talented as he is, the man has an affinity for some hardcore activities in the bedroom. I'm no prude myself, and honestly I found this aspect of our love life very attractive after having a very gentle, but passive boyfriend. Granted, Rob was an extraordinary lover, but it was unnatural for a guy with his loving nature to get down and dirty. Andy does not have that problem. In fact, he took me some places (sexually speaking) that really did it for me. And I wanted more of that.
So now we are living together and we are basically having sex as often as we like. Which is a lot. But there have been some instances where I found myself feeling bad after sex. Kind of defiled. The first couple times I didn't say anything. But finally I spoke up and told him that during those certain acts I can't feel his love for me. I don't mind being filthy dirty, but I need to sense his underlying love and care for me while he's holding my head in place, shoving his cock down my throat. I mean I hope he realizes in those moments that I need to breathe. What scared me about it most was that he might actually be getting off on the fact that he was hurting me, because I sensed that at the time. But when I told him that he had pushed me beyond my limit and that that was too dark for me, he apologized, and he's been much more considerate since.
There have been some other things he has done that I've felt not mentally ready for, but because they were pretty stimulating physically I let him continue. But later I was left feeling unsettled. I find myself in unchartered sexual territory with Andy, which is kind of surprising based on my experience.
I believe that the negative feelings I've had about some of our sexcapades led to trouble last week. Without getting into detail, I came down with a condition that not only halted our sex life for a couple weeks, but could change the way we relate to each other forever. It has not been fun and it is more than I am ready to deal with so early in our life together. I hope it doesn't damage our bond which is really only in its infancy. I think it will all depend on how we react and respond to each other from here on in.
Life has been kind of hard lately. I trust it will get better.
1 comment:
Wow, first blog of yours I've caught up with in quite awhile. Sounds like communication is the key. No reason to ever hold back saying something, even in the heat of the moment.
Glad you are happy in LA.
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