wedding dream...almost a nightmare

I had a very vivid dream about a wedding. It was mine, but unfortunately to the wrong guy. Started with a short scene in which my ex Jeff and I were together again--he was trying to make the moves on me--and I was feeling very reluctant and uncomfortable. I cringed at his touch or the thought of touching him.

Next scene I am in my wedding dress (yes, the original one from 1988), surrounded by the females in my family. They are putting the final touches on me as I am about to walk down the aisle to marry Jeff again. (In real life, our divorce has been final only one month.) This dream finds me in a state of mental turmoil. Something just isn't right. DUH!

I walk out of the dressing room to enter the area where all our guests are taking their seats preparing for the ceremony to begin. Where is my mother??! I am looking frantically for her. I happen to run into my sister. She confessed that Mom had gone to get favors for the tables because they looked so empty and non-festive. You see, no one had planned this wedding with love. It was a wedding of convenience, thrown together in a hurry.

Since I couldn't find Mom, I told my sister. I just had to tell someone! I said I can't do this. Jeff only wants to marry me so that it looks good on him. He wants to go into politics, you know. And I'm thinking all the while, Oh God, Mom's spending all of her own money on party favors for this wedding that's not going to happen. (You see, I'm practical even in my dreams.)

Fast forward...I am standing at the altar and my former husband/'husband-to-be' takes his place beside me. We are about to be married. The pressure is mounting. He is dressed in an old-fashioned British red coat uniform for some unknown reason, but I do notice that the tight white pants look good on him. (Ewww!)

At the last second I can bear it no more. I walk over to face the crowd of our families and friends. I tell them that I can't in good faith go ahead with this marriage. That the only reason Jeff wants to marry me (again) is so that he can present a good image for when he runs for office. I explained that I couldn't overlook that fact just for his benefit, and that marriage was too sacred a bond to mess with.

Deep down I knew that I must follow my heart, and that my heart was definitely elsewhere. It made me happy that I was true to myself even in my dreams. I just wish I could have added on my own end to the dream. One where Andy shows up and asks me to marry him in front of the whole crowd. Then everyone cheers because they recognize true love when they see it.