Rob and I

I've been getting together with Rob about every other weekend for the past couple months. Two weeks seems to be the amount of time it takes to start missing each other's company, or needing a drinking buddy. I suppose I should only speak for myself. Maybe he thinks about me constantly. I don't know and I don't want to know. Luckily each time we are together he respects the choice I've made (meaning Andy). Rob and I remain friends and we do love each other, and occasionally say so. I am clearly no longer in love with him and I am perfectly ok with that. Him? Not so sure. Usually we avoid any intense conversation about our break up, and what went wrong etc. But the last time we hung out he asked me how I feel about him now. I had to speak carefully, especially since I'd had 2 glasses of wine. Let's see, I said. I still feel like you know me better than anyone else does. At least a huge part of me. I like that. You've been with me through some of my most trying times--when I was still living with my ex during the separation, when I lost Cam (heartbroken), my tribulations with Maria, issues with the dog vs the neighbors... You've always been very healing, very comforting to me. I couldn't have survived those things without you. I went on... I really, really value your opinion. I think you're very wise and I trust you implicitly. I've grown during our time together. I've become more independent. I can't forget about the spiritual path we explored together. It was a major part of my life and happiness--we found new dimensions together, and joy. And the sex!! The sex was really great. I'm not sure I'll ever experience it quite like that again. And then he asked me 'and so do you ever think about being with me?' And this is where I really had to choose my words. Because I've certainly thought about his penis and his abs and sculpted back and butt in vivid detail, but telling him that would not do either of us any good! So I said that while I found him attractive, I feel totally committed to Andy. And that feeling overpowers any other desire--I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize my bond with Andy. And as I heard myself saying those words, I am sure Rob died a small death inside. How he probably wished I had felt that way about him the day I went to meet Andy at the art gallery so long ago. But it just wasn't the case. It's not that Rob did anything wrong to lose my love. It's just that I wanted something different. Or, more specifically, something more. Andy inspired me. He brought me huge opportunity to grow, to have new experiences in areas I craved. He was not at all jaded about love and he put himself out there from the very first day. I needed that. It was so right for me. It was just time for it all to happen. Not so great for Rob, of course. But I have not abandoned him. We are soulmates and I hope to always be in contact with him. I dread the final hug goodbye, but that day is coming eventually. I have entered a new chapter, and he will too. I just hope he finds love again soon because I really do care about his happiness and well-being.