moving forward with Maria

Maria emailed me asking nicely if I wanted to get together to talk about some of our issues. Of course I jumped at the chance. I invited her to come for waffles.

She showed up at noon. I was pretty calm considering I hadn't seen her in months. Maybe I was just ready to trust that things were going to be all right. Everything else in my life seems to fall into place perfectly, so why wouldn't this?

I drank in the sight of her as she asked me questions about my trip to LA. I showed her the brochure of the apartment building where we found a place and she asked lots of questions and had only nice things to say about it. I was in heaven.

She talked about her life, the semester she just finished and how she wants to go to law school after she graduates (whoa). Maria and I sat at the dining room table for 2 hours and talked about so many things. It had been so long since we'd communicated like this...All the while I am floored by how smart, mature and beautiful my daughter is.

We got onto the subject of my moving, or "my leaving her" as she would put it. I explained how both Christie and I feel like this is such a great opportunity for us. We are bored here and looking for new things to learn and experience. It's not that we're "leaving her", we're exploring a new piece of life. Maria found it hard to see it our way, but luckily it didn't turn into a fight or an attack on me as it always had in the past. We agreed to disagree on some things.

When I asked Maria if she would come out to visit, she said she wasn't sure she could be in the same place as Andy. I asked why, and she responded that she didn't like him. I know what that means. It means that she needs a scapegoat to blame for this whole scenario. And since Andy's the one who lives in LA, it must be his fault that Christie and I are going there.

Maria is too smart not to realize the illogic in her line of thinking. But I didn't push her on it. Time heals all.

Before she left, she came over to me and gave me a hug. Despite all the words and feelings that were exchanged over the last 2 hours, it was the hug that meant the most to me. I have craved that for so long and today I got it. Thank God. I love my daughter and I feel that she will now accept my love again.

falling for Andy

How is it that someone who hardly knows me can know my heart so well? Did I attract the perfect match? Is the romantic pop artist just using his talents on me? Was I the object of his art all along? Or is it that he and I both have the same beautiful dream and desire to express it?

How is it that he says all the things I've longed to hear from a man my whole life? No one has ever spoken to me this way. No one has ever exposed himself or given himself to me in this way. With no fear, only hope. And all this practically right from the start. Or restart I should say.

Andy and I dated for a mere month 29 years ago, then completely lost touch until Facebook reunited us in about June. We saw each other in person on August 1st when he came back to our hometown for a visit. We spent about 8 hours together and it hasn't been the same since. Except we live on opposite sides of the country. We talk every couple days, email and Facebook chat almost daily. He excites me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I love who he is and what he does and how he feels about me.

HE INSPIRES ME. He completely melts me and makes me feel like God's most beautiful creature. His words to me:

what's mine is yours

i'd like to wake up and see your face every day of my life

you are more than perfect

i am so excited about us

He called me at work this morning and the first thing he said was Good morning Darlin. Did anyone tell you how beautiful you are today? His voice smiles at me and I can picture his face and adoring eyes. I couldn't stop thinking of him the rest of the day. I was elated from the inside out, from head to toe. I drove home from work and felt so happy that when a sad song came on the radio, it just didn't make any sense.

This is all very strange coming so fast and hard. Admittedly I've been swept off my feet and I'm enjoying the ride, floating in Andy.