things i need to say

Cam, I love you. Always will. But I said goodbye to you this year and I'm still ok. That is a miracle.

Lee, you were good for my ego. But I still didn't want to fuck you. And I'm glad about that.

Gram & Gramps, I miss you and I think of you often. I hope you're dancing.

Maria, I love you so much more than you know. My heart is broken that you can't let yourself love me back. I miss hugging you and the way you used to say goodnight Mom, I love you, God bless, see you in the morning--those 4 things, always in that order. Please find forgiveness. I long for the day when you realize that everything's not always black or white. Life is so grey. And sometimes things happen and no one is to blame.

Christie, you're so beautiful and sweet with so much to give. I see myself in you. Please don't make the same mistakes that I did. You need to learn how to communicate better and face your fears.

My dear boss, I am so thankful that you survived. You have 6 months of chemo ahead, but you are alive and you have your spirit back. You really scared me. I never knew I cared so much about you until I almost lost you. You are a great man with friends too numerous to count. The power of love is phenomenal.

Rob, you never cease to amaze me. You are goodness in every way. I have grown so close to you and I often think about spending the rest of my days and nights with you. I dream of marrying you in the woods, just you and me among the chipmunks. And making love there. You are the greatest lover, and together we are God. I love our history and I love the fact that we are friends first and foremost. It sounds silly, but I never had that in a partner before. I love how you give me the freedom to explore, even when it takes me away from you. That takes courage. And you have the desire to really know me, in every way. You know I need that.