I look back on the trip to LA and feel like part of me is still there. As I posted earlier, I didn't quite know what would transpire between Andy and me this time. But something sure did, in a big way. Our relationship has definitely reached new ground.
Sure, the vacation endorphins had kicked in, the location was romantic, plus I was ovulating, so I was in an overall heightened state. But it was more about Andy. It was as if he took this opportunity to lay it all on the table. No more pussy footin' around, being politely patient and taking time to get to know each other.
Andy was more open and expressive than ever before. I found he would look into my eyes and tell me how much he loved me, and say stuff about our future together. He was as attentive to me in public as he was when we were alone. He wondered out loud what our baby's nose would look like, then I had to remind him that we could only dream about that, and we wouldn't be making one.
On the 2nd night we shared a glass of wine on the bench out front of his building. The sun had set and it was cool, so I sat close with his arm around me. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eyes and said If you jump, I will catch you.
On the 2nd night we shared a glass of wine on the bench out front of his building. The sun had set and it was cool, so I sat close with his arm around me. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eyes and said If you jump, I will catch you.
He said so many other things that showed he truly believes in us. He dreams big, and when I join in, our dreams become very powerful. I feel there's nothing we can't do or have. I am so caught in the wave of hope and happiness that I can think of nothing else.
Ever since I came home I have had such clarity of thought. I feel what it would be like to live with Andy (and Christie) in LA. I want it very much. I see a whole plan ahead of me and I can break down into a million steps all the things I need to do to get there. Work feels less important and I no longer feel as stressed about my job or boss. I feel like I will be gone from there soon.
Also, since being back I have seen Rob a couple times, only to fill him in on the seriousness of my relationship with Andy. Much to his disappointment, I cannot be intimate with him anymore. I feel like I am in a committed relationship. And I like how that feels. I feel no guilt, I feel no sadness. This feels right.
It`s important to me now to stay on track, and to focus on the goal. Seeing Rob would distract me and I don`t want anything to interrupt this wonderful momentum. I have to believe as strongly as Andy does that this is ours. Because I want to be brave enough to jump.
Ever since I came home I have had such clarity of thought. I feel what it would be like to live with Andy (and Christie) in LA. I want it very much. I see a whole plan ahead of me and I can break down into a million steps all the things I need to do to get there. Work feels less important and I no longer feel as stressed about my job or boss. I feel like I will be gone from there soon.
Also, since being back I have seen Rob a couple times, only to fill him in on the seriousness of my relationship with Andy. Much to his disappointment, I cannot be intimate with him anymore. I feel like I am in a committed relationship. And I like how that feels. I feel no guilt, I feel no sadness. This feels right.
It`s important to me now to stay on track, and to focus on the goal. Seeing Rob would distract me and I don`t want anything to interrupt this wonderful momentum. I have to believe as strongly as Andy does that this is ours. Because I want to be brave enough to jump.
1 comment:
Ha, well cool! That answers some things. :)
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