andy eve

My darling arrives tomorrow. As much as this back and forth visiting is turning into a routine for us, tonight I am as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve. I can't wait to be face to face with Andy, touch him, hug him tight, and take him home with me. Not to mention the anticipation of sex!!!!!

And as I usually do the day before the visit, I have thought about how we can progress our relationship, or what we need to learn about each other this time. (When did I become such a goal-oriented person?)

Since he's been making references to marriage from the time I got back from California, I think we need to learn what each other's hopes and expectations about marriage are. I need to ask him what does marriage mean to you? What does it look like?

Maybe even more importantly, Andy should know certain things before he decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Can he handle the truth? Like the story about how I fell in love with another man during my 19-year marriage. And how I stress myself out to the point of meltdown a few times a year. Sure, I recover quick, but I depend on my guy pretty heavily in that time. And will he be able to accept my spiritual background--does he care that my entire outlook in life is directed by messages channeled from spiritual beings?

I think I also want to ask him what kind of women he's been with. This is a big mystery to me, and something we've talked very little about. Plus it directly affects my level of comfort in having unprotected sex with him. I would love to get rid of the condoms, but can't do it until I know for sure it's safe. This is some ridiculous amount of self-discipline I've been exercising. For a chick who loves sucking cock, it's pretty inconvenient dealing with a condom. Well, actually it's only the little bulbous thing (reservoir?) that's an issue. Funny enough that dangly thing is the same shape as my dangly thing (epiglottis?) and they do not like each other!

OK, back to my point. I love this man, and I love how we take great leaps forward. I am at the point in my life where I need to know he can deliver what I need, especially considering that I am planning on uprooting my life here and moving myself and my daughter 2000 miles away. Wow, it blows my mind sometimes. And then again it excites me. Kinda like sex.

Stay tuned for the Andy story.