fragile

My phone rang in the middle of a dream last night. I rolled over in my sleepy stupor to answer it.

Andy's voice said are you sleeping?

I said yeah, I think so.

I just got mugged.

---a few seconds of silence---

Oh my God, are you alright? Did they hurt you?

I'm ok, they didn't hurt me. They got my wallet and my ring though.

Oh no, your ring! Are you sure you're alright?

Yeah, I'm over at the neighbors'. They're feeding me wine. I'm pretty calm now, the police just left.

Where were you?

I was walking to the corner to get a taco and they jumped me right by the school.

Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry. I need to be there with you. (meanwhile I'm freaking at the thought of actually witnessing this whole scene) So what happened?

A guy came running towards me and I thought oh shit. So I looked behind me and another one was coming at me. And there was a 3rd one in the car in the street, so there was nowhere to go.

Three guys? (still freaking, but trying to sound calm for his sake)

Yeah. So the 1st guy points a gun right in my face and says 'gimme your money'

At this point I am completely stunned hearing him use the word 'gun'......

So I gave him my wallet. And then he says 'and the ring', and I said, 'oh not the ring'. And he shouts 'give it!' and pulls it off my hand. And then they take off and jump in the car. And I hear one guy say to the other 'you just gonna let him go? he's seen our license plate' and I'm thinking oh God I'm gonna get shot in the back now. Frig. Thank God they just left. I went to the girls' next door and they called the police and stuff.

I was speechless since hearing that my love had a gun pointed at his face. I don't know what to say. While I was sickened by the whole thing I was also so damned thankful that he was not hurt. But I was very worried about his emotional reaction to everything. And that I couldn't be there to help in any way. Or hug him.

We didn't talk much after that. I think he was sort of in shock, and getting a little drunk. After we hung up I lay there and wondered if that conversation had really happened, because it seemed more like a nightmare. Half an hour later I was questioning whether I had told him that I love him. I couldn't remember saying it, and I wanted him to hear it. So I called his cell, but voice mail picked up. I left him the most sincere message I could manage while stifling my tears.

Sleep escaped me for another hour or so, but I did eventually find some. Which is more than I can say for Andy. We have talked several times today and he seems to be handling things ok. But he hasn't slept yet, and he's been busy replacing his drivers license, credit cards, etc.

Last time we talked his biggest concern was that I wouldn't want to move out there anymore. I can't say I've made that decision, but I am certainly freaked out by this whole thing. I have to consider the safety of my daughter and myself, which means we all might have to move to a more suburban area. But then again, I heard in my local news this morning that a store in a town 5 minutes from here was held up last night. Tis the season I guess. Anyway, I assured him that we would work it out. Together.

Andy said he heard on the news there were a total of 4 armed robberies in his neighborhood last night. Oddly enough he wondered which number he was. I can't imagine what it's like to be him right now. He was so invaded, and momentarily terrified for his life. Our future together was hanging in the balance of that one moment. Our fate rested in someone else's hands and that's pretty scary. Someone who needed drugs, or Christmas money, or who knows what.

In spite of all the anger I should have for these people who almost wrecked my life and ended his, I ask 'what would love do now?' from my favorite book Conversations with God. And then I hear the answer pray for the 3 guys. And I will appreciate even more the love that Andy and I have. You don't wait 29 years for nothing. We deserve this and it will be ours.