disturbing dream

Shortly after I woke up this morning one of last night's dreams flashed before me. It was about Cam. That always brings with it a lot of emotion and therefore, a lot of significance. Hopefully it won't mess up my whole day. Cam was my deepest love (so far), someone I recognized as a soulmate from age 16, and the only guy I cared about who rejected me.

I dreamed I was in a house (mine), alone, waiting for him to come see me. He currently lives almost as far away from me as Andy does, and he did in my dream too. I think he was 'in town' and we were due to meet.

He finally shows up and I am overflowing with emotion, he seems quite contained. I am expecting that he will stay a long time with me, maybe overnight. Apparently he has other ideas, as he soon declares it's time to go. He says his mother is on her way to pick him up.

He gathers his things. I am panicky because I realize this may be the last time we see each other...ever. This doesn't seem to concern him like it does me. Great disappointment.

We hug. The last thing I remember is a close up of him looking at me, head slightly tilted, those melty blue eyes piercing right through me. It hurts.

The dream mirrors what I fear in this life...that he doesn't care about me the same that I care about him. It seemed too easy for him to walk away from me. But then again he may have done that purposely so that I would, and could, move on.

And I've moved on to something great, something better in many ways. I've met Andy who adores me and wants to be with me every minute that he can. He made it clear from day one that he loves me and that he wants to be by my side for the rest of his life. Andy was not jaded about love like Cam was. He allowed me to dream with him and create our future together.

My contract with Cam may actually be finished. In this lifetime anyway.