This has been a yukky week. My California mojo is starting to fade a bit, and PMS is setting in...but it sure seems like one nasty little thing after another has been unfolding since Monday.
I had that disturbing dream about Cam and was left with trace feelings of abandonment. Then Andy told me of this fantastic celebrity charity event he's going to in February, and he asked if I minded if he took one of his models along. I totally trust him of course, I'm just sad that I won't be the one by his side. I want people to see him with me, not some other woman. I am upset by the way I feel inside...it feels so immature of me.
Then I found out that in order to move away with Christie I will probably need a notarized letter from my ex giving his consent. Either that or a court order. That was the biggest downer of all. I cannot imagine Jeff being cooperative in the matter, but I especially don't want to waste money on a lawyer just to have the court state the obvious. Christie def wants to be with me, and she wants to move to LA just as much as I want to.
And yesterday I visited my mom and sister, both who seemed a little off. I felt like it was because of me, or maybe I've just grown paranoid this week? When I mentioned something to my mom about possibly getting married again, she looked completely dumbfounded. That was disturbing.
Though I don't like to admit it, I am influenced by my family's opinion. My mom's dropping jaw wasn't the reaction I had hoped for, but maybe I should just stop and think on it awhile. I am actually a little worried about how both my mom and sister are feeling about my plan to move. It may be time for a sit down, drag it out kind of talk. It may be good practice for the even bigger talk ahead--breaking the news of the move to my ex and especially to my 19-yr-old daughter Maria.
2 comments:
This reminds me of when I told my mom and sister I was getting divorced. Holy cow they were not supportive. In fact, they behaved like victims and demanded rationale in between making me feel like shit. I quickly told them I need positive supporting people around me and hope that sometime soon they'd fit that category. In the meantime, they'd have to play victim to someone else and have someone else help them through my big life change.
They eventually came around. But don't make decisions based on guilt. In fact, please don't feel guilty about anything.
Logically, I know I shouldn't feel guilty. Guilt is a useless emotion that we seem to be born with, especially if we're women. It raises its ugly head when we're having too much fun. But thanks for your support, Wow.
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