missing

There were 2 things I knew I would miss when I gave up Rob. Well, maybe 3. One was his big cock--along with his sexual finesse, of course! Second was his endless energy to give me TLC. Rob would run his fingers through my hair for hours and touch me in spots that completely relaxed me. And third, I knew I'd miss the depth of conversation we had.

OK, so I'm getting along fine without 1 and 2. Andy and I have a sex life that has ventured into new erotic territory that I find hot hot hot. Not only is it hot, but it's fun, and I want more. I want to know his body better, and I want him to know mine better.

We have potential to grow our sex life into a major and fulfilling part of our lives someday. But it's pretty hard to get there from here. After all, we live 2,500 miles apart. And yeah, I could do with more back rubs, foot rubs and caresses all over. Andy does some of that for sure, but his adoration comes in other forms, mostly in words. And that is something that Rob did not/would not do.

What I am missing most about Rob is the talking. And this hits me hard when I am feeling down. Rob was a phenomenal listener. As well, he knew when to offer advice and when to shut up. He was genuinely interested in my feelings and where they came from. He was empathetic. Sometimes his eyes would fill with tears as he listened to my worries, struggles, whatever.

He didn't hesitate to ask me questions that I would have to go deep inside myself to answer. He exposed me, and I loved that. That was a huge reason for my attraction to Cam, and it turned out to be very addictive. I could only give Cam up if I found that quality somewhere else. And Rob filled the bill.

I haven't delved into my soul (out loud) with anyone in a long time. I miss it. I like when someone knows me inside and out, knows what makes me tick, handles me with care, works me, plays with me. I love going deep emotionally. Someone who forces me to discover things about who I am. It's not only one of my joys in life, I think it might be a necessity.

I really don't know yet if Andy has the ability, or the interest, to go that deep with me. I hope he does. I feel like I've only seen the tip of the iceberg with Andy. But so far I have loved what I've seen, and been impressed by the treasures I've found. He's already so much more than I first thought he was. And I love getting to know him. I guess we just need time.

But for now, who will I go deep with? Will Rob be willing to get together soon? He's been on a hiatus of sorts until he 'gets over me'. Will I find a girlfriend whose ear I could chew off? (girls are so less fun than boys.) Will I blog non-stop till I get it out of my system? Or will I create an issue with Andy just to draw out some more emotion and send us down that road? (sounds treacherous.)