bye bye beagle

I said goodbye to my velvet-eared friend today. He's in a new home. The long awaited day has come. My neighbors will no longer be able to complain about his incessant barking every time we leave him alone after dark. And Christie and I can now go out somewhere together without taking the dog or worrying about a nasty note being left in our front door.

Yesterday the decision of 'when' was made, followed by tears of guilt. I treated him like golden dog all day. I took him on a special walk through the woods. I looked him in the eyes and told him that everything was gonna be all right. I let him sleep on my bed and wrapped my arm around him, petted him extra special.

Today I moved him and all his stuff to the new place, but I was much happier. I know the people who he'll now live with. They want him, and they really love dogs. Snoop eagerly ran into their house, proceeded to sniff everything, and danced around seemingly up for the new adventure. Or at least that's how I chose to see it.

There are things I am going to miss about Snoop. I know that he did his very best. And I hope he knows that I did mine.

to beagle or not to beagle

Pets. You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em.

I love my dog, but he also is a major pain in the butt. I became the reluctant owner of this runt beagle almost 9 years ago when my now 'ex' decided we needed a family dog. He did this mostly to become a hero in the eyes of our daughters, despite the fact that the one who would end up being the main caretaker (me) didn't want to take on that commitment. I knew that it would be tantamount to having another kid.

But I soon fell in love with the little rascal and took my very best care of him, as I did with my own children. And, as I expected, I was the one who fed him, walked him, cleaned up after him, and rescued him in the middle of the night when he barked so terrified of the thunder. I also protected him from the wrath of my ex who had no patience for humane training, preferring to hit the poor thing and scream at him in his own frustration. (No wonder I left him.)

When the ex and I split, we decided to share the dog just as we shared the kids. And for the first year or so that worked. Then my ex lost his job and had to sell his house. He moved to a place where he could not have a dog, so guess who got to take over full responsibility? Right. Not only did I inherit the entire burden of time and effort to take care of the dog, but the cost as well. Vet check ups, special food, and an $800 dental surgery that I just finished paying for. Oh yeah, so fair. But I'm thinking of the welfare of the dog and the poor little guy didn't ask for any of this!

As much of a burden that this whole situation is on me, this little runt is the most loyal, easy going, cutest and sweetest beagle you could ever know. He follows me everywhere (endearing and annoying at the same time) and sleeps at my feet or in the crook of my legs as I lay on my side. He has a great disposition and is dearly loved by the girls, and me.

He is absolutely and hopelessly dependent on me....to the point that he is very anxious when he is left alone after dark. When I have left him alone he races through the house working himself into a panic, barking incessantly. This has been a real problem since May as I have received notes from my neighbor that the noise is disturbing them.

I've talked to my vet, tried retraining my dog in obedience and being quiet. I even bought a crate and started getting him used to that. And I've had a lot of success, but not enough. Last weekend I had a fight with the neighbor who left me a very nasty note which really pissed me off. And he threatened to take the matter to the police next. I've already received 2 notices from the town bylaw officer, so I am seeing the writitng on the wall. The dog's got to go.

It really sucks. I admit I am kind of exhausted caring for this pup, and I know I will not be able to take him when I move next year, so it does make sense to find a new home for him. But I suffer from mother guilt. Both as 'mother' of this little dog, and towards my daughters who will have to deal with losing their pet. Ouch.

I look at his sad beagle eyes and know that he is so dependent on me. Can anyone else take care of him the way that he needs? Will they treat him with loving care or beat him into submission like my ex did? I do worry about him. But most of all I worry about what my dog will think about me. I think this thought and it hurts deep in my gut. Will he feel that I have abandoned him?

last chance to love

My sister Lynn skyped me the other night. She was crying. She'd taken her 12 yr old cat to the vet and was told he had only days to live.

Butch had a heart condition that was making it difficult for him to catch his breath or have any energy at all. He'd been eating, but losing weight for months. Lynn was overwhelmed with worry, sadness, and guilt. Guilt for not having taken him to the vet sooner, for having complained about having a cat, and for not giving him attention when he wanted it.

Guilt is such a waste of energy. I tried to get her to focus on what she had done right, and what she should do now. It was too late to save him, fix him, nurse him back to health. Butch was on his way home. I had hoped she would spend her last days loving him as best she could...telling him happy things about where he's going, wishing him a peaceful journey.

Easy for me to say, he wasn't my cat.

I didn't hear from Lynn for the next couple days. When I finally tried to reach her again, she didn't answer her phone. Finally I called my mom and got the word that Butch had died just that morning. I saw Lynn today. She is now going through the grieving process and she will be ok. But I did hear her relate how she sat with him a lot over his last full day and talked to him and reassured him that it was ok to go. Even in his suffering he purred as if to say I love you back. An animal's final act of selfless love.