pre-sex prep

I have to have the sex talk with Andy and I'm a little nervous about it. For 3 months we've talked about how much we want to be intimate with each other. And with the help of technology, we've experienced some intimacy in the virtual world. I guess you could say we've been exercising the ultimate form of safe sex.

But safe sex is a conversation we need to have soon because Andy mentioned he might be coming to visit me in January. We have already agreed we would use condoms for intercourse, but then there's the case of oral sex, something neither of us is willing to go without.

I'm afraid I'm going to offend him by asking him to be tested for STDs. I'm trying to decide on the best approach because my health is not something I'm willing to risk. We have not talked about our sexual history, but he does know that I have sex with Rob. But I don't know much at all about his past...or present, though I don't see how he'd have much time for sex since we're Skyping non-stop.

So what do you think of this plan? I will tell him that I have never been tested for anything, but I am willing to. I was married for 19 years to a man who I believe was faithful. And since then I have only slept with 2 men, both who I am sure were no risk at all. (Cam was just out of a 20 year marriage, and Rob was in the habit of being tested after every sexual relationship he had.)

What I do need to disclose is that I had/have HPV--human papilloma virus. (I'm not sure it ever leaves once you contract it.) I got it from my dear cheating boyfriend when I was 19. At that time they didn't know much about HPV. I just got treated for those gross warts that appear in places you don't want to know about, and I thought that was the end of it.

Twenty years later when a pap revealed I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, HPV was just coming to the forefront. My doctor said my pre-cervical cancer was the result of HPV I'd had earlier. They were just starting to learn more about HPV and the vaccine was being advertised all over the place.

Apparently there are many different strains. At this point there is no test for men to determine whether they have HPV, so we do not conclusively know if Rob has caught it from me or not. Men can go forever without symptoms and only be carriers. So this is a potential risk to Andy and I need to tell him.

I figure that honesty is always the best policy. I just hope his fear of needles and the cost involved with the blood tests due to his lack of decent health insurance don't deter him from having them, and even more scary...from coming to see me.