letter to Rob

Hi hon...here's where I am. I feel like I am doing the right thing by spending more time alone. I have more time to think and do. I accomplish more and feel less stressed. This is not something that you caused, but I did it to myself trying to be with you most days of the week. I am actually kind of surprised at how little I feel I need from a man right now--I can't remember feeling this way in a long time. It seems like I'm more in control of my life, but who knows how realistic that is.

Anyway, I would like our relationship to be based mostly on friendship. I would like it to be kind of low key and light, not overly emotional. I can't say how many days a week I'll want to be together or how often I'll want to be intimate. I care about how you feel and I wrestle with guilt at what my changing needs have done/are doing to you. I understand that you have needs too, and if this becomes too difficult for you, I could lose you. I would hope that wouldn't happen, but I know that we've experienced such depth with each other that you may not want to "go backwards".

I haven't made any promises to anyone and I am still exploring different directions in my life. I don't want to give you false hope for a future together beyond a meaningful friendship. But I do not know what the future holds for me, in love, career, location, and especially when it comes to my feelings. Apparently I am still learning how to decide what I want.

I do love you and I'm sorry that my actions cause you pain.