I indulged in something today that I haven't had in months. I actually spent a few hours lying in bed watching tv! And you know what? I found it was a really good thing for me.
I even felt a shift in my brain after watching a couple shows. And I realized something. There's a reason why I've been feeling so unimaginative, dull and dunce lately. Other than my job, Facebook, Skype and sexual activities, I'm taking in virtually no new stimulation. While my left brain, heart and pussy have been thoroughly satisfied, I've been starving my poor right brain.
Well, that's not entirely true. I just finished reading a 1,000 page novel that took me almost a year to read (Facebook and Skype got in the way). But the story took place in the 14th century, so there wasn't a lot there I could use in my daily life. And it didn't prompt a lot of discussion with friends.
As I stood back and took notice of this new discovery, I realized that my pendulum is swinging once more.
Over the last 3 1/2 years, Rob and I built our relationship on intense one-on-one time. We have mostly been living in a bubble--a self-created world where we focus only on each other and create beautiful love together. We found that hanging out with other couples or going places, while enjoyable, really paled in comparison to the deeply emotional and sexual experiences we had in our private world.
But in doing so, I found that I am now missing the outside world. I feel a little isolated, and worse yet, inadequate. In social situations, I feel I have little to talk about. I've become a little self-conscious about it too. My 2 favorite topics have become relationships and sex. And you can't have those conversations with just anybody!
I don't feel that Rob is socially progressive. He lives a quiet life and loves to be alone (or with me) in nature. He avoids crowds and busy or noisy places. Although he enjoys partying with his friends a few times a year, he's never the one to make contact with them. He's a good dad, but doesn't even keep in touch with the rest of his family. So naturally, as we stay together, we are inclined to do more of the same--staying in, talking, making love.
I think this is why Andy is so appealing to me at this point in my life. I'm craving more interaction with the world, and he's very aware of his world, socially and creatively. I do feel my life gravitating towards Andy. And someday I may be living with him on the west coast while Rob is thousands of miles back home on the east coast. In all likelihood I may eventually crave the 'bubble time' that Rob and I have had.
Go figure. That pendulum keeps on moving. Change is imminent, but luckily with change comes growth, and that's a really good thing for me.
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