1 year ago today...

...Andy and I met in our hometown. It was a perfect day. It was the beginning of something big. It was one of those life changing kind of days.

This past year has been charged with new energy, adventures and goals, but with that came emotional challenges and difficult decisions. And it ain't over yet. The fat lady's waiting to go on...

In 3 weeks I'll be on a plane to LA. Time to see what Andy's world is like. I am really excited about the trip (and taking Christie). I am looking forward to seeing Andy too, but deep inside I wonder if it will be my last time, and with that comes some sadness.

Everyone says I am going to love California, and I can't argue with that as I have never been. I am sure there will be things I love. But I suspect I will leave thinking, yeah, it was great to visit, but I don't want to live there.

Or maybe I'll fall in love with the city, and more deeply with the guy, which is what would be required for me to pick up and move across the continent. Holy shit...could that ever happen?

first anniversary flashback

Today I was digging through the archives of my life. It's always a joy to exhume a treasure I'd buried safely in my Save folder. I found an email I'd written to Rob on the first anniversary of the day we connected on a deeper level; a day that had catapulted us across the line of platonic love.

When I reread this email, I am filled with the same emotion I felt when I first wrote it. Thought it was sweet enough to share. Still smiling......

Dear Rob,
Thanks for a year of friendship, for guiding me when I needed it and listening to my woes and frustration. You made going through a separation so much more bearable. You made the 3am escapes through deep snow worth it. Thanks for the fun and adventure, for stretching me past my usual comfort zone and showing me how I can get my feet wet in the middle of winter and still be able to laugh about it. For inspiring me to do crazy things that surprise even you. For noticing how moved I am by sound. For noticing me, period. For giving me endless attention, stroking my hair until I fall asleep. For wanting to please me sexually and continuing to explore the ins and outs of me. For caring about my needs so much that you suppressed your own to the point of pain. And for having the courage to bare your fears to me and knowing when to pull me in deeper. Thanks for telling me all about you--stealing raisins, sitting on the roof of the barn, tipping the trailer over, how you got that scar, the darkness of your marriage, the joy that holding your baby girl brought to you when you felt so troubled. It was then that I knew I loved you. Thanks for hanging around through all my adventures and for living outside the box with me, for your willingness to be open-minded, and to accept my thoughts and opinions without criticizing me. Thanks for being a sweet, peaceful, spiritual and smart man. And for telling me how beautiful I am. And for taking such good care of your body because I certainly get a lot of enjoyment out of it. For letting me love you in any way and for as long as I want. For feeling so good next to me in bed and wanting to be close to me. For being a boy. A boy with a very nice dick. And a talented tongue, and the best ass I've ever seen and felt. Thanks for opening your heart and your life to me. As you can see, I have a lot to be thankful for. But most of all it's your love that I want to thank you for. I am very happy with the evolution of our relationship, where we are now, and I'm excited about seeing where we go next. Time sure flies when you're having fun. I love you Rob.