As I sit and watch Andy paint over Skype, I think I can't wait to live with him. I watch the muscles of his forearm flex as he paints and he looks so sexy when he's concentrating, standing back from the painting with the brush between his teeth. When I live with him, I can do more than just look. I can touch too!
From where I sit, everything he does is adorable. I am easily caught up in the idea of living together. To have him close every morning and night. To make meals together, go places together and laugh so hard my abs get sore. He'll make us happy--Christie and me.
And then my brain kicks in and I feel afraid. It's been 3 years since I've lived with a man. What if I've forgotten all the reasons that I shouldn't do it? Will I miss my alone time? Will his messes annoy me? Will his lovemaking be good enough? Will he be financially responsible? Will he do something that completely shocks me (in a bad way)?
The struggle between my heart and my brain can only be quelled by one thing (well maybe two...sex is always a remedy). Something my mother once told me when I couldn't choose between two juicy job offers made a lot of sense to me then, and it still does today. I wondered why I hadn't thought of it before: Nothing has to be forever.
Ah, the art of changing your mind. It's every woman's prerogative, right? However, moving oneself and one's teenage daughter 2000 miles away comes with a fair bit of risk. It's not like I can just shoot back home if things don't work out. Thinking about it kind of boggles my mind at times. Other times, I think what the hell, go for the adventure!
The truth is, I'm a long way from a decision. Maybe next week...HA!
No comments:
Post a Comment