s.o.s.

I made a rescue call to Rob yesterday. It was actually an email telling him I needed a hug. It had been a lousy week where I let my stress get the better of me. I decided I needed a night of major diversion cuz I'd been driving myself much too hard.

So when I got home from work, I dodged my usual routine. I threw together grilled cheese sandwiches and Campbell's tomato soup for dinner (awesome for dippin!), hopped into a hot bath, and completely ignored the dirty dishes and my laptop. Both homework and Andy got temporarily ditched. Then I poured myself a shot.

Rob called around 7:30 and came over. Christie had gone out so there as plenty of peace and quiet. I immediately took a hug, a long one. I was proud of myself for not crying in that moment of relief. To be honest, it felt like the love and comfort of a dad (that I never had). I really needed it. It's just plain nice to be cared for and held.

I went back for seconds, and thirds. The longer I stayed, the more TLC came my way. Rob's most defining factor (well, maybe 2nd most defining) is his ability and desire to stroke my hair endlessly. It's a rarity in a man, and it's something I always appreciated about him. I soaked it all in as a healing treatment. I finally relaxed and felt unburdened for the first time in weeks.

All the while Rob's hoping I will lie on the couch with him, I resist. He thought I was silly kneeling there on the floor with my head on his chest. I eventually hoisted myself up onto the couch alongside him, but left one leg planted on the floor. Very Lucy-like in my ways, feeling a need to play it safe and respect the relationship I've chosen. For anyone who's lost track, that means Andy!

Rob left by 10pm when I had to go pick Christie up. I was thankful for his love and support, and he was glad to give it. He is a true friend, and that is true love...when he can give to me unconditionally, knowing I can't return his love it in the way he would like. We are connected at a soul level and probably always will be.