the Rob experiment

Rob and I finally got together again. It was sort of an experiment. We'd spent a month apart to force ourselves to see what life without each other would be like. This was part of the fallout from my trip to LA.

As the one month date approached I had suggested we go out for a drink, but he said he had wine at his house. So I agreed to go to his house, a little reluctantly. I had kind of hoped for neutral territory. Anyway, he knew that I wasn't intending to be intimate. That was important to me, and Icertainly didn't want him to have unrealistic expectations. We didn't actually know what we'd do other than have a drink and talk.

So I walked up to his front door and knocked. That felt strange. I'd let myself in every time before over the last 4 years. He opened the door and invited me in. A hug was in order, long overdue in fact. He felt short and small to me...I guess compared to Andy. But it felt good to have strong arms wrapped around me.

We sat on opposite ends of the couch and caught up on each other's happenings as we downed a glass of wine. I could feel it after only half a glass. But it was good. I had stuff to share and booze always helps.

Much to my relief, I didn't feel at all attracted to Rob while we were talking and drinking. I didn't want that challenge. I wanted to know that Andy was the one, and that I wouldn't have to struggle with my indecision anymore.

I told Rob that I'd really missed having him to talk to, to hang out with. Apparently he's had an even harder time than me. In more than one way. He got a couple erections just while we talked. That felt a little awkward. We talked about getting divorces from our exes, my plans to move, some work issues, kids, and the biggest one...where do we go from here...

But after only one drink and 1 1/2 hours, I left. It was only 8:00. I went home and I felt just fine about it. To stay any longer would not have been productive. I would have started feeling sorry for him, and then bad about hurting him. This visit was short and sweet and to the point.

Rob and I will get together again. If we want to stay in touch we have to recreate our relationship in a way that works for both of us. I have to admit, it's not as fun being with him as it used to be. We have to figure out how to fill the time we used to spend in bed. And those were some pretty stimulating hours. A tough act to follow to say the least!

But I value our bond and the path we walked together--it was a big one--and I want to honor it. We've changed each other's lives for the better. I love him at a soul level and that will not change. I only hope that he can find peace in our transformation.