goodbye memory lane

I decided to take a walk after dinner tonight. As I rounded the corner of my street I realized that I had not gone for a walk in months. This was something I used to do twice every day when I had Snoop. Since I gave him away the weather has sucked, and I've been so busy and tired at night.

So, as the sounds of the chirping birds lifted my spirits and my anticipation of spring, I was countered by feelings of loss. I miss my doggie. Well, really, maybe it's not so much that I miss him. It's more that I'm worried about him and what he thinks of me. Would you call that guilt?

I forged ahead and turned my thoughts to the good instead of the bad, which is my nature. I started to get some good fresh air in my lungs, breathed deep which I sometimes (OFTEN) forget to do. Decided to take a longer route than I normally would...

I approached a house where the sidewalk was covered in chalk drawings. Awwwww. My heart always opens when I see such things cuz it takes me right back to the early years when my girls would decorate my entire driveway and both sidewalks with their masterpieces. I absolutely loved giving them new buckets of colored chalk every spring. I secretly wanted one for myself, but I let my little budding artists go nuts with it. By late summer all that was left in the bucket were little colored nubs. The pink was always gone first.

Just as I started to get all nostalgic remembering Maria in her happier, carefree days I walked into a large I <3 MOM scrawled in bright pink chalk. Tears welled up in my eyes. I swallowed it away and forged ahead.

Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, but I walked right into my old neighborhood--the one where we lived for over 10 years. I recognized old craggy trees, familiar gardens I used to admire and even the same crooked sidewalks. I'd maneuvered those sidewalks for all those years, whether pushing a stroller, pulling a wagon, or riding bikes with my little ones. Still not fixed, but full of character, just like the neighborhood.

I realized that I'd soon be saying goodbye to all these familiar places, forever. I doubt I'll ever see them again once I move to LA. It made me feel sad, mostly because I already miss Maria. The best memories I have of her were made in the years we lived in that neighborhood. I know she's no longer a part of it, but to me it's something tangible that reminds me of her. Though I have to leave the neighborhood behind, you know I'll hold on tight to all the memories that were made there.