maria update

For those of you who care (and I know some do!), I thought I'd fill you in on what's happened with the most challenging relationship in my life since my 5-part blogathon 'on the day she was born i cried'.

After the last big blowout, darling daughter Maria spent her scheduled few days at her dad's. During that time I made a counselling appointment for myself. I figure, if I can't get her to go back to counselling, I might as well save my own sanity. And so I did.

I spoke to a female therapist who had seen Maria twice over a year ago, and she barely remembered her (insignificant). I spent the hour describing my feelings about all the events of late and was basically reassured that I was doing all the right things--protecting my boundaries, staying calm, finding my own peace with other activities (Rob!!). I haven't told Maria that I went to a counsellor, but I would if it came up. To me, it's no big deal.

In the last couple weeks life with Maria has been a mixed bag, which is completely typical. Some good, some bad. The highlights were watching American Idol together in my bed one night. Oh, and a random conversation in which she started asking me lots of questions which reminded me of the old days when she was so young and curious! It's nice for a mom to be able to answer lots of her daughter's questions. I guess it's a personal confirmation that I'm not useless to her after all!

Maria still digs at me regularly, which I usually ignore because all she's trying to do is pick a fight. But sometimes she's in a good mood. And I treasure those times. Now I'm trying to be cognizant of how I approach her, in tone and body language mostly. I have realized that I am so used to being attacked, that I'm often defensive, unconsciously anticipating conflict. A lot of the time that's what I get. But given the chance that Maria's intent is good, I'd like to meet that with the same good intent. And hopefully one of these days we can get in the habit of positive communication.

All in due time. Thanks for listening.