on the day she was born I cried - Part 4

It was May 2006 that I told the girls that their dad and I were separating. Jeff would have no part of that discussion. This conveniently (for him) set the stage making me the villain. I was the one responsible for destroying our "happy family".

Christie, 4 years younger than Maria, had cried at the news, but not for long. She showed more curiosity than sadness and had lots of questions which I eagerly answered. Christie had been sucked into my unhappiness a couple years earlier and had suffered some severe anxiety because of it, I believe. Once I had made my decision to leave the marriage and live my own truth, I became much happier, and so did she. In hindsight it's clear to see that Christie responded more to the security of a happy mom than to the news that her parents were breaking up.

On the other hand, Maria related to her dad. She noticed his sadness (and anger) more after my "announcement" than before it, and conveniently placed all blame on me. After all, he was the one hurting and I had moved on mentally. In fact, I appeared quite happy and in control. She made it clear I was no longer welcome to hug her, or to tuck her in at night. She hated me and wasn't afraid to say so.

She treated me badly and her dad did nothing to intervene. He probably thought I deserved it. He was one of those husbands that finally woke up once it was too late. He hadn't taken me seriously until I said it was over. And because he then wanted to fix it, but I did not, I became the one responsible for the failure of the marriage.

And Maria has mistreated me ever since. Except for a few brief moments of truce, her overall attitude towards me has been of disrespect, disdain and wanting to punish me for ruining her family and her life.

It had taken a whole year for Jeff and me to finalize a separation agreement while we both continued to live in the house. This totally sucked because we did not speak and the tension was thick. But neither of us would move out. We lived separate lives but came back to the same house every night. I hoped this might ease the transition for the girls, but in hindsight I don't know if it was helpful or hurtful.

A couple months after I told Jeff I wanted out, the friendship I'd had with Cam developed into a very rewarding online love affair. Cam lived 3000 miles away but we'd known each other since high school. His love and emotional support were everything I'd craved for years, and he was so good at making me feel good even from that distance. I felt alive again. It so happened that Cam had decided to end his marriage about the same time that I did. And just for the record I must say that this was not a preconceived affair. The timing seems coincidental, yes, but this is exactly the way it happened. And besides, there are no coincidences. We were meant to be there for each other. Cam and I carried on and we became quite attached. We were each other's life line.

Maria saw me spending a lot more time than usual on the computer chatting with "my friend". However, this didn't seem to bother her. What did bother her was the attention that our neighbor started giving me. Yes, Rob was our neighbor. He'd gone through a separation 6 years earlier and I sometimes sought his advice in how to handle things. We became friends, but Maria always thought he was creepy. Maybe she saw the sparkle in his eye for me, and that made her uncomfortable? But at that time Rob and I were just casual friends. We'd say hello and have a 5-minute conversation in his front yard, that was it. My heart was completely with Cam.

In April 2007 I moved out. Oh happy day, I was truly free. The girls were excited about our new house, their new rooms. They'd live at their dad's for 3 days a week (the old house), and mine the other 4 days. Our dog would travel with them. Both houses were within walking distance and they'd go to the same schools etc. I tried to make the transition as simple as possible.

My friendship with Rob blossomed into love after I moved out of the neighborhood, the details as I've discussed earlier in my blog. Because I would not lie to Maria, she was aware that I was dating Rob. It was then that her rage came to a head. She simply demanded that he not be a part of my life.

Being sensitive to her need for time to adjust to all the changes in her life, we were careful not to have Rob around when Maria was here. I tried to be here as much as I could for her even though she constantly rejected me. But on the days when she was at her dad's, Rob and I spent time together. Jeff was furious once he found out I was dating the neighbor and of course figured I'd been cheating on him for years. And Maria was likely influenced by things she heard her dad say. To this day, almost 2 years later, Jeff still does not speak to me. This has not been easy. For any of us.

But love has to win.