Scared, that's me. Or is it conservative? Whatever I am, I know that it holds me back. I have a habit of being too cautious in work, in relationships, in adventure. In fact, I stick with the known so long that I get numb. And time passes.Despite nudges from others, frustration with current conditions, even in the face of divine messages, here I sit inspired by all I can imagine, but afraid to move.
I recently asked myself What's bigger, your dreams or your fears? I know my dreams are big. They consume a lot of my time. I can easily get lost in my dreams as they involve all the things I crave--true love, inspiration, fulfillment, joy. I even feel like these things are achievable. They are dangling right in front of me. I know they are waiting for me if I'd only make the leap.
That damn F word stops me. Fear of losing what I have. I hate the thought of moving backwards or losing what I've already attained (a comfortable love, steady income, savings, my children's happiness). These are the reasons I stay put. So I just keep running on the wheel, but really I'm not getting anywhere. I am maintaining my life. But it doesn't feel like enough.
More time passes. I am angry at myself for settling when I know there's something huge just waiting for me.
1 comment:
Fear of failure (which is what I attribute to all of this) is what prevents good people from achieving great things...
It seems the only way to get past this fear of failure (i.e. moving backwards) is to realize that your life doesn't have to be a timeline of things gotten and accomplishments achieved... It's organic and changes. Sometimes your life is slim... sleek... minimalist... Sometimes it's large and grand and boisterous. It will take any and all forms for the current situation you are in. We are adaptable. That's what makes us so special... We can make ourselves happy with whatever little things we've been given.
My advice to you: Take a deep breath... Realize that although you may be fearful, that fear is just a feeling and likely has no bearing on anything that is real to the situation. What happens if you reach for something you want and don't make it? You don't lose anything... You are now in a new place, with new things. ;)
A great quote that always comes back to me when I think of fear:
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Post a Comment