one week to andy

One week out and it was time to break the news to Rob. It was not something I was looking forward to, but we had agreed to address it one week before Andy was coming to visit me. We sat in the customary 'conversation' chairs in my livingroom when I spilled the beans.

It's always light for the first 5 minutes. Maybe it's nervousness. Then as reality sinks in, Rob gets quiet and his eyes don't stay with mine. At times I see them getting watery. I feel bad. And then I remind myself that I am being true to my path. I've been honest with Rob all along, and he made an informed decision to stick with me through my explorations for as long as he wanted. He'd always mentioned that he was thankful for the time that he got to spend with me. And so here we are.

Being the practical one that he is, some awkward questions then came up. Mostly on the topic of sex. We both agree that safe sex is paramount and that Andy would be using a condom. But then there was the issue of oral sex. Rob was hinting that he wanted me to abstain from that altogether. God forbid! This required further discussion, and some research.

As I was not willing to give up sucking Andy's cock OR put myself at risk of STDs, I decided that I would use a condom--a non-lubricated condom--for this extracurricular activity. I have never given a blow job to someone through a condom, but apparently it is doable. You just have to get the kind without that nasty spermicide on it. So, another new experience is ahead. I wonder what Andy will think of all this?

Granted, he has no right to complain because he never confirmed that he had been tested. And I stopped reminding him. Clearly, Andy and I have limited communication in this relationship. We don't have a lot of in-depth talks, we mostly stare at each other on Skype and talk about our days. I don't think Andy's had too many serious conversations in his life (I may be wrong), and we all know that's not my forte either, so this presents a pretty big challenge in the relationship.

I believe this upcoming visit will make things clearer for me. At this point I don't feel Andy is "the one" for me. But he is intriguing and a hell of a lot of fun. Who knows? We may get a lot deeper being close. A part of me hopes I will not be crazy about him afterwards so that I don't have to make any hard decisions. But I still want to have this experience of loving him and I will not have Rob or anyone stop me.