I had a mildly interesting realization yesterday. Always contemplating what motivates me to feel what I feel for Andy vs. Rob and why it keeps changing...
I think Rob represents what I am and what I need right now (comfort, security, sex, understanding, help with my house/car, a companion to hang out and do stuff with, stability) and Andy represents what I want to be in the next phase of my life (inspired, creative, taking on new challenges, change of job and change of scenery, social advancement).
Sometimes I don't feel like I'm strong enough to make such a big move (to California). Other times when I have accomplished something great at work, I think it's a fabulous idea.
Neither Andy nor Rob has all the qualities I need. And how I am feeling at any point during the day, or time of the month, can greatly influence who "feels right" to me. The fact that my feelings change like the wind is disturbing to me. Maybe I keep waffling because neither one is the one.
Could it be that this process is not nearing an end? Am I trying too hard to make one fit? I find myself feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted more often lately. even wonder if I'll ever be able to choose and be happy with one guy. Sometimes I just want to get off this crazy ride.
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