2 valentines, 1 day

I guess you could say I'm very lucky. Lucky to have two men that are head over heels in love with me. Unlike the majority of middle-aged single women, I no longer believe that good men are hard to find. (But I do still believe that hard men are always good to find!)

I chose to spend this Valentine's Day with Andy. We hadn't talked or seen each other all day yesterday, so we decided to connect today...on Skype. Not that we had anything special planned. Just the usual hanging out and talking about our present, our past, and quite a bit about our future. It was exciting.

About 6 hours and 4 dropped connections later, we hung up. But it had been very fulfilling in that our relationship progressed and we were looking ahead in a more serious way. During all this, Rob had called hoping to see me, but I told him that I was "getting a lot of stuff done". Afterwards, I felt bad. I had gone to Rob's last night, totally exhausted and not in the mood. He spent the evening holding me and taking care of my needs while I promptly delivered nothing in return.

I called Rob back and apologized. I've been really tired lately because of work, but also I've been struggling with my attraction to him. After having some time alone to think, I realized that I have not been in the mood lately because I've kind of stuffed my feelings towards him. Well, duh. I've been spending hours each day Skyping with Andy.

The phone call with Rob was filled with emotion and I realized that he and I haven't talked in depth about my feelings since Andy's visit. We declared that we needed to hash all that out. He went to bed sad. When I went to bed, I lay there thinking of how he must feel. I suddenly felt an urge to be close to him, to give instead of receive. I made a run for it...

I drove around the corner to Rob's house, let myself in to his house, and crawled into bed with him. It made me feel wonderful. My emotion bubbled over and I cried while I held him. I wanted to make love and we did, naturally and beautifully. I spent the night which is something I haven't done at his house in almost a year. I felt good to be able to give him myself and my love.