saint Rob

Let's not forget about the man that made this all possible. What I mean is, it was Rob's understanding and patience that allowed me to delve into a new experience that I craved, without feeling bad about it.

What man could do this? What man could let a woman he loves go in a direction that could lead her away from him? Apparently Rob can. He's done it twice before, and it's gruelling, he says. Though this time was much more serious because he knew that I planned to be intimate with Andy, when in the past I had not.

He let me go because he knew I needed to do this. That's the benefit of all the talks we had about the subject--everything from safe sex to what are you going to do with the painting when I come over?

I tried to consider Rob's feelings throughout my two extended weekends with Andy. I replied to a couple emails he'd sent me and I even called him one morning while Andy was in the shower. I felt I needed him to know I hadn't abandoned him. And in between the weekends with Andy, I did go to Rob's house...

We didn't know what to expect regarding our feelings for each other once I'd been intimate with Andy. But it turned out there was still a spark. And lots of loving care. He was happy to see me, and so was his penis. I must say I was thankful for that. We got reacquainted talking on the couch, but before long we were in bed.

Sex was great. I wanted his big cock and he was glad to give it to me. I needed an orgasm and he willingly delivered. His pride swelled even bigger than his cock that night. I felt physically satisfied and perhaps a little sad. Sad for both the men I love.

I went back with Andy a few days after being with Rob. Andy and I grew much closer in that 2nd weekend, but we didn't evolve much further sexually. That was ok with me. I feel that people need time to learn each other. And I do not feel rushed for time with Andy.

By the time Andy left, I felt bonded to him. I felt as if he was my primary boyfriend and my most promising prospect for the future. I hadn't a clue how we were going to erase the 2500 miles between us, but it was only the feeling that mattered.

I've since been with Rob a couple times. Both were good visits, with open and caring discussion, and lovemaking. I was not nearly as attracted to Rob this time, but he was very comforting to me, more like a friend. I didn't feel quite right though, having Rob in my bed. I felt that having him over violated what little I had left of Andy here. I didn't enjoy removing Andy's painting from above my bed. I didn't want to part with Andy's energy at all. In fact, I struggled when I had to toss the sheets he'd slept on into the washing machine.

Being with Rob always begins casually for me now. But somehow we get pulled into each other the closer we get to the peak. When it's all over, my heart opens and I start feeling sad. I question myself and wonder if I am throwing away something good. The closeness, the history, the connection. They really are gifts of God. I've often sensed God joining us right in the bedroom. I have no doubt about it.

But God has also shown me that I can have what I want. He's shown me that I can recreate love. There is not only one true love. I've had Cam, I've had Rob, and now I have Andy.