Rob--the new Cam

Something very profound has happened. I have recreated the intense connection I had with Cam, in Rob. I would have never thought it possible.

Rob came over the night after our last lovemaking session--the one in which he let himself completely fall into me. He thought it was important that we talked about what had happened. He was afraid that it might have weighed heavily on me. What he wanted me to know is that despite it being a very intense experience for him (one to which I responded the same way), it did not change his expectations of me or our relationship.

He said that he still accepted that I am searching for something else and that I might leave him. He didn't want to stifle his love based on fear. He had decided to keep on loving fully and openly. And he encouraged me to love freely too, whenever I felt like it, without fear of his expectations changing.

Having been somewhat floored by his generosity and strength, I commented that it sounded like he was giving me unconditional love. I told him how beautiful it was and that he sure had changed since I first met him. He teared up at those words, and so did I.

He regained his composure and related a story that I found most curious. He remembered back to our early months together when I was still in love with Cam. At that time he couldn't understand my connection to Cam. He didn't know what I meant when I said that Cam and I were connected at a very deep level in that I always felt him near and knew that he loved me no matter what.

Rob said that it has all become clear to him now. That is how he feels about me. He realizes that regardless of our physical location, we will always be together spiritually. We would be able to pick up at any time, to revive the intensity we have experienced together. It will never die.

I think this makes us soulmates.

As I lay in bed after the mindblowing sacred sex that ensued, I wondered what God was trying to tell me. I wonder why I am so blessed? I have had Cam love me like no other man ever did before or after. He knew me better than I knew myself. He was my guide, my emotional mentor.

I so longed for those traits in a partner--and that was the hardest thing to leave behind when I had to say goodbye to Cam. And now I have those things in Rob. How in the world do I keep getting this?

What's even more magnificent about all this is that Andy emailed me a picture today...the picture posted with this blog.