Man oh man, I have a lot on my mind. I find myself getting lost in thought every spare moment I have. Which basically means when I am driving and when I am falling asleep.
I don't feel troubled per se, but I do feel a need to sort out my various issues and then prioritize...or better yet, plan. Rob has witnessed me in this mode before, which he calls 'getting your ducks in a row'. It's my nature. I need to understand my situation and take control of it.
The most exciting issue is right at the forefront, with a capital A. Andy. What do we do next? He is back on the West coast missing me and thinking we need to be together on a permanent basis, and soon. I am inspired and flattered by his desire. It's an exciting opportunity, but also a huge undertaking. I have a daughter who's in high school for 3 1/2 more years, all my family's here, my steady job (though that's one thing I'm looking to improve upon), there's still a lot I don't know about Andy, etc etc.
I need to think this one through because there is a lot at stake for me to make such a big move. I want to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. After all, it might trample the ducks who are running amok right now.
My job is another big issue. It's not only about my personal finances, but the fact that I am working way too hard for what they're paying me. I fear I'm getting burned out and I do feel undervalued. Annual raise time is coming in March. Shall I give them one last chance to make it right? It's tempting to leave and make a change, but then again I've just hit my 5 year mark which earns me another week's vacation. Plus I really do like the work. I'm not convinced I would like something else better.
OK, other issues. My dog is not well. I am afraid I'll have to get tests done by the vet and it's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. Not to mention the emotional upheaval it will cause me, and Christie. Also, I am worried about my mother. She's 72 now and very lonely. She needs a man!! I feel I need to spend more time with her and take care of her, but this is very difficult based on my busy schedule and the fact that I live an hour away from her.
And then there's my dad. I try to visit him in the hospital every couple weeks. I like to see him, it's just difficult to make the time. And then there's Rob. Although he's dealing with the Andy issue all right, we still have some things to work through and I don't want to lose him as a friend, and maybe not even as a lover.
My health is GREAT and I want to keep it that way. I am also very happy. I LOVE having the adoring attention of not only one man, but two. My daughter Christie is the joy of my life, and she is also happy and healthy. I am so blessed. Even things with Maria are stable these days. All my relationships are good, and I truly feel that is the most important aspect of my life.
Though I don't feel I have a right to complain, I just thought that if I downloaded my thoughts here, it would help get my ducks in a row.
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